Rice Queen, Part 2

A couple days ago, I explained why I am no longer uncomfortable or irritated when somebody uses the term "Rice Queen" to describe me. Since my previous post assumed knowledge of the term, it ended up causing a bit of confusion I think, so to explain, "Rice Queen" is a term that is used for a gay white man who is attracted (exclusively or not) to Asian men. And, though not a complete definition of me, it certainly is true that I am often attracted to Asian men.

Attraction is a funny thing. Why do I look at the picture above and find the guy to be hot, while my gay brother would not be the least bit interested? Certainly there are factors of personal experience, environment, and influence that shape how we define in our minds what is attractive, and it is likely that there are genetic factors involved as well. Beyond those things that are difficult to define, though, here are a few things I have noted concerning Asian guys.

First, allow me to clear up a couple misconceptions. Asian guys are not all bottoms. If anything, I have met more Asian tops than bottoms. Certainly anecdotal, but that's my experience. Next, Asian guys do not all have small penises. It is true that the only time I fell asleep during sex was when a Vietnamese guy who thought he was a top was with me, but those are rare in my experience and most are very respectable (and a couple of them went far beyond "respectable"!).

But beyond the basic physical construction, several things I find to be very attractive about Asian guys (speaking in general terms, of course). I have found that, often because they are either immigrants themselves or their parents came over from another country, a higher percentage of Asian guys have been exposed to a variety of cultures in the world than, say, a corn-fed Midwestern American white boy. One of the great privileges of my life has been my opportunities to live 6 months in Africa and 2 years in Europe. Those travels totally transformed how I viewed the world; it expanded my understanding and appreciation of other cultures and peoples in a way I never realized possible. So, when, while I was talking to an Illinois-raised white friend of mine and suggested he try to visit Europe and he said he would only go to check out the amusement parks and ride roller coasters but had no interest in any cultural activities, I quickly began to see the differences between the worldview of those who have experienced world travel and the worldview of those who have stayed near their own homes their whole lives. Certainly this is not true of every Midwest guy at all, but my experiences here in Chicago have shown me that, at least within my circle of acquaintances, my Asian friends are more well-traveled than any others, giving them a "world awareness" that I appreciate.

Asian cultures (and this is true of African cultures and perhaps others as well) tend to be more centered and focused on family than does American culture. In my experiences, I have found that this "people-oriented" rather than "time-oriented" focus spills over into all relationships. Thus, many of my Asian friends have shown themselves to be kind, compassionate, and self-sacrificing, often above and beyond what others do. For example, when I went through the darkest valley of my life last October, many people I know called or sent cards of sympathy, all of which I sincerely appreciated. But I had three friends who went beyond the "expected" expressions and were very creative in finding ways to help me get through that time, each of their own initiative finding a way to show their love in a way that broke through the masses. And, not insignificantly, each of those 3 friends is Asian.

So, start with an attractive guy with a great smile, add in a kind spirit and an appreciation of world cultures, and you have gone a long way to get this white guy's attention. There are many other reasons, among which some were expressed in an interesting manner by the Men of Color blog post titled "On Asians", but for concerns of brevity I will limit myself to these. When I was in college and in all the years before that, my close friends were all white. However, after my time in Africa and Europe, I returned to the States and today, though it was not by any conscious effort, I have one of the most international group of friends I could imagine. And the closest of those friends are Asian. I am not hesitant nor embarrassed to say that my life has been enriched beyond anything I could deserve because of my Asian friends. So again, go ahead, call me a Rice Queen. I will accept it as a compliment.