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Thursday, July 06, 2006

Rice Queen, Part 1

I remember the first time someone called me a "Rice Queen." I was humored by it at first, because although my boyfriend at the time was Filipino, I had previously dated guys from a wide variety of ethnicities (my first crush was a white guy, my first boyfriend black, and my roommate I secretly wanted was latino). However, when I ended up dating a second Filipino guy, the appellation was cemented and my reputation sealed (and perhaps the tattoo I got of the Chinese characters and zodiac rabbit contributed as well).

Soon I began hearing comments like, "Oh, you should come to this party. There will be lots of Asians there." Or, while driving along in the car with a friend, he would see an Asian guy (any Asian guy, no matter how old or ugly) walking down the street and say, "Look, an Asian guy for you." Unfortunately, in my insecurity at the time, I allowed those comments to bother me, since I knew that I was not exclusively attracted to Asian guys. Perhaps I felt it would portray me as being one-dimensional or limited, but I felt compelled always to defend myself against the charge of being a rice queen.

This culminated in my wanting so badly to prove (perhaps even to myself) that I was open to guys of many ethnicities that I actually hooked up with a white guy once for no other reason than to be able to say I had done it. He was legitimately a hottie, but how insecure does one have to be to take a guy to bed for no other reason than to round out my sexual resume?

Fortunately, in the time since then, life has helped me to grow up and get my priorities a bit less off-kilter. I realized that, though I am truly attracted to guys of almost every variety, and though I was attracted to Asian guys I have dated for more reasons than just their exotic appearance, the fact remains that yes, Asian guys are hot! And my life has been a more wonderful and exciting and fulfilling adventure because of the Asian guys I have known and cared for. So, call me a rice queen. Just as with those who call me a power bottom, the label is incomplete but yes, it does have an element of truth to it.


james haenes said...

I often surprise myself where my attraction lies. Desire is, indeed, magnificently personal. But the sex will always be raunchy and cheap.

Chargenda said...

Amen, sister! Seriously, that could have been my post, with a few edits. Even my own bf doesn't understand that I am not going ot be attracted to ever asian around. But, funny how you get pegged as being interested in one type, and you easily let yourself fall into a pattern of only looking for those type of guys.

Michael said...

James, that's where I never will give up...hoping for sex that is pure romance :)

Charlie, isn't that true? You wouldn't believe (or maybe you would) some of the people my friends point out to me randomly, as if I will overlook any other aspect of a guy just because of his ethnicity...sometimes I want to ask them, "Are you attracted to every white guy you see?"

Chicago_Sexbox said...

Ugh, thank you for this post! it annoys the hell out of me when people do that to me. I am an equal oppotunity whore and I have NEVER exclusively liked one ethnic group, but jesus christ, I say I like Mario Lopez and suddenly I am labeled as a 'mexican chaser'. wtf. I rarely date (or have sex) with latino guys......or at least not anymore often than I do every other kind of guy out there.

PS, Um, call me ignorant, but isn't the term 'rice queen' reserved exclusively for queeny Asian guys?

Michael said...

All I can say is that anyone who would NOT have sex with Mario Lopez needs to get his head examined! Call me anything you want if I can get him in my bed...lol!

Actually, Rice Queen is generally used to describe a white guy that goes after Asian guys. Conversely, a Potato Queen would be an Asian guy who goes after white guys. And Sticky Rice would be an Asian guy who goes after other Asians. There are other terms to describe just about every other possible ethnic combination (chocolate queen, salsa queen, brown rice, etc.), but the first 3 are the ones I have heard used more often, perhaps because of my personal experiences. I've heard strong mixed feelings from people about whether or not the terms are offensive. Personally I don't care if someone calls me by such a label, but I generally don't use them myself unless I'm teasing a close friend who would take it in good humor.

But more importantly...Mario Lopez! Mmmmm! Yummy!

zenngo said...

haiz... labels, labels and more labels...

by the way, im taking a few minutes to drop by and say HI!!!!

im having a fun time here!! hheheheh....

Flamboyant Gay Friends in China said...

just start a new blog on chinese gaymen, have a look!

Anonymous said...

i'm asian myself. the last bf i had was white and he was obsessed with japanese culture. now, here's my definition of what a rice queen is:

a gay man that's obsess with an asian culture and the boyfriend (if there is one) is transparent in the relationship. this is what i experienced...that's a RICE QUEEN! although he also likes black men too. so ideally i don't think my ex knows what he wants. this mentally can fuck up any relationship.

Anonymous said...

In my mind, the label is derogatory in the sense that it suggests a fetishization that inherently dehumanizes the partner who happens to satisfy the criterion. In such cases, the 'asian' adjective acts as a cancer on the noun it precedes, turning what might otherwise be an irreplaceable person into a merely convenient picking from a very large racial basket.

Anonymous said...

I'm a ricequeen and from my perspective, this is what I can say: We are doooomed :P

What I mean by this is that the prejudice of being gay isn't enough. On top of this, we need to be attracted one just one kind of guy. I hope someday we wont have such a bad name tag as the one we have now; most likely when the bad apples starts behaving.