Shameless and Tacky...you have to see it!

My friend Ari sent me this link. Very entertaining for us in our shallow moments, but the great thing is, I can almost guarantee it is going to be an extremely effective advertisement. And didn't I see that guy on the, er...video I was watching last night before bed? I could swear....

Thank You For Smoking

Have you ever walked away from a movie completely uncertain what your feelings are toward that movie? Maybe I was just in an oddly-indecisive mood last night, but when I finished watching Thank You For Smoking, I could not decide if it was an incredibly insensitive movie or a brilliant piece of satire.

The premise of the movie is as follows (copied and pasted from Moviefone): Nick Naylor (Aaron Eckhart) is the chief spokesman for Big Tobacco, who makes his living defending the rights of smokers and cigarette makers in today's neo-puritanical culture. Confronted by health zealots out to ban tobacco and an opportunistic senator (William H. Macy) who wants to put poison labels on cigarette packs, Nick goes on a PR offensive, spinning away the dangers of cigarettes on TV talk shows and enlisting a Hollywood super-agent (Rob Lowe) to promote smoking in movies. Nick's newfound notoriety attracts the attention of both Tobacco's head honcho (Robert Duvall) and an investigative reporter for an influential Washington daily (Katie Holmes). Nick says he is just doing what it takes to pay the mortgage, but he begins to think about how his work makes him look in the eyes of his young son Joey (Cameron Bright).

Today, after having slept on it and thought about it more today, I am leaning towards the latter opinion, that it is brilliant satire. However, I still have this internal question mark that I can't seem to wrap my brain around. Let me attempt to clarify my thoughts on the movie:

Positive things -

(1) The cast of the movie are brilliant. The actors that perform in the movie are like the Ocean's Eleven of the independent films in that, though they may not rise to the star level of a Pitt / Damon / Roberts / Zeta-Jones, they fit their roles perfectly and the seeming hodge-podge of actors weave together amazingly. Aaron Eckhart, whom I had seen previously only in The Core, is masterful in the role of a guy who you are supposed to hate but end up feeling sympathetic toward. William H. Macy, one of my favorite actors of all time, delivers a great performance. Cameron Bright (the kid from Birth) does a great job being the serious grounding element in this farcical world. Perhaps the best characters in the movie are the duo of Rob Lowe, the Hollywood super-agent, and his assistant Adam Brody (Seth from The O.C.). Every time they are on the screen I was laughing. Even the many side characters and cameos work great, including Joan Lunden (as herself), J.K. Simmons (typecast playing the "J. Jonah Jameson"-type character but doing it perfectly), David Koechner (alumnus from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, a favorite of mine), and Dennis Miller (as himself). The only somewhat-flat performances come from Katie Holmes and Robert Duvall.

(2) The movie is, frankly, hilarious. Often, it's that guilty "I can't believe they just said that and even more can't believe I'm laughing at it" hilarious, but funny nonetheless. It is a no-holes-barred, as-politically-incorrect-as-I-can-be, in-your-face humor. And yet, on the other hand, there are some brilliantly-subtle things about the movie. One of my favorite things, and this struck me after the movie was over on my way home, there is not a single time (correct me if I am wrong anyone who has seen it) where someone in the movie is actually shown holding or smoking a cigarette. It's a very subtle thing but obviously intentional considering the movie's subject matter.

(3) The truth about cigarette companies is presented very bluntly even in its satire. Basically, it's all about money. Everything else, including people's lives and health, is secondary.

(4) Nick Naylor's conversations with his son are fascinating and thought-provoking. I will have to watch the movie again before I can digest some of it enough to comment at length about it, but the "moral flexibility" discussion is very interesting in particular.

Negative things -

(1) The thing that bothered me the most, since I hate smoking and its destruction of so many lives, is that I found myself unwittingly feeling sympathy for Nick Naylor, whose job is to get people addicted to cigarettes. I guess the part of me that so strongly despises smoking had this desire for less ambiguity. I wanted to find the character amusing but be able to hate him. But, I walked away from the movie very uncertain what I thought of him.

(2) Along the same lines, I know my background and upbringing tends to make me see the world in terms of moral certainty, so I tend to grate at anything that speaks to a moral equivalence, that perhaps not everything is as black and white as I like to think of it. Perhaps this is not a "negative thing" in the sense of a criticism of the movie, but rather in the sense of my internal conflict after watching it.

Ok, if nothing else, this post shows that I am completely confused even about my own feelings on this movie. In one sense, I love a movie that can cause me to think about it for days afterwards. But this one surprised me at how intensely my emotions reacted (perhaps that's a good thing as it clarified even more to me the intensity of my hatred for smoking). Or maybe I got too worked up about a simple comedy.

To sum it up, I highly recommend this movie. I hope all of my friends see it. Yes, I have a selfish motivation, I want feedback from others so I can discuss it and figure out whether I should love or hate the movie, or both. It's currently in limited release but is showing at Century Theater in Evanston (where I saw it) and AMC River East downtown Chicago. Go see it, and tell me what you think!

Update: My friend Guy posted a good review on his blog, and I think he was able to verbalize a bit of what I have had trouble saying myself. He and I agreed, however, that the point the movie makes, though simple in essence, takes a long time to expound and is rather complex, so seeing the movie is necessary to grasp it completely. Here's what Guy said: "While it remains hilarious from start to finish, what is equally impressive is that it makes a great point. Notice that I didn’t say it makes a great statement, or that it wonderfully argues an issue. The point that this film makes remarkably well is that you’ve got to stop listening to all the arguments and statements that are thrown around in politically correct or incorrect circles and actually think for yourself. Intelligence and choice are the clear goals of the plot for the film. Given the topics they go after, there are no better points to make, period. Nick Naylor (played pitch-perfect by the underrated Aaron Eckhart) may be the lobbyist for big tobacco, but he works the job not only because he is simply great at it, but because the point he’s really trying to make in all his arguments is that you can argue anything from any angle, and that ultimately the choice is simply up to you. Facts can be manipulated by anyone for any purpose they desire. Nick Naylor clearly holds “facts” in utter contempt, at least in how they are used for any hot button purpose. When asked if knowing full well that cigarettes are dangerous to your health, having admitted it himself, if he would allow his son to start smoking when he turned 18, Naylor’s reponse is a genuine and believable statement that he’d buy him the first pack. It’s an interesting perspective, and one which is argued very well in the film."

Guy also made another excellent point (particularly since he and I come from the same conservative-religious background and have learned at least somewhat to think for ourselves): "This movie won’t be for everyone, since it uses the R rating fairly well (almost exclusively via language) as most dark comedies do. This isn’t as edgy as Lord Of War - or even Heathers for that matter - but I would use caution in who I’d recommend it to. (And, ironically, most of the people I’d not recommend it to are the ones that need the point the movie makes the most)."

Inside Man

When I saw the trailer for Inside Man, I immediately thought it looked like a cool movie. Pretty much anything Denzel Washington is in I have loved, and Jodie Foster and Clive Owen are great actors as well. Then, I heard that Willem Dafoe, whom I enjoy, was in it, as well as the magnificent Christopher Plummer and Chiwetel Ejiofor, a relative newcomer who was fabulous in one of my favorite movies of last year, Serenity. The only red flag I saw was that Spike Lee was the director, but I figured he's a great director in spite of having sometimes directed films I had no interest in. But with a cast like that, I had high hopes.

And I definitely was not disappointed. Hands-down this is the best movie I have seen this year. Any fear of it being a tired bank robbery plot is quickly dispelled, and the entire storyline is fascinating and admirably believable. The use of flash-forwards to assist in the plot development is well-done, and there are some perfectly brilliant moments throughout. The cast is superb, with only Dafoe's character being somewhat uninteresting (though more due to his function than to his acting, which was fine). I highly recommend this movie, and it is likely it will be one of the few movies of the year that I will actually go back to see a second time in the theater.

One of My Fondest Memories

Four years ago today, on March 22, 2002, I began one of the greatest experiences of my life. My grandmother and I have always had a special bond. Although a grandmother is not supposed to pick favorites among her grandchildren (and though I know she wouldn't call me her "favorite"), I have had a closeness to her that is something I treasure. My cousin Susannna was born 3 weeks before me, so she was my grandmother's first grandchild. However, Susanna's family lived in Philadelphia, and my grandmother lived near my family in Los Angeles, so after flying out to Philadelphia for Susanna's birth, my grandmother returned home in time for mine. So, for the first 2 or 3 years of my life, I was the only grandchild nearby my grandmother, and she and I spent lots of time together. This bond has continued throughout my life, and at times I have felt closer to her than even to my parents (particularly during my anti-parent teenage years).

My grandmother had dreamed since she was a young girl of visiting Ireland. I remember, while I was growing up, asking her if she could visit anywhere in the world, where would she like to go, and she said Ireland without hesitation. However, as she began to grow older and had never left the United States, that dream began to fade, and she said she had given up on it completely years ago.

Then, in November 2000, I moved to Europe to study French. Once I became familiar with the continent and was comfortable traveling around from place to place, I began to try to convince my grandmother to come for a visit. I promised to make all the arrangements and do all the driving and make sure she was ok; all she had to do was come along and enjoy herself.

So, in March of 2002, my 82-year-old grandmother who had never left the United States beyond Tiajuana, Mexico, and Niagara Falls, Canada, flew with my cousin Nathan and met me in Brussels, Belgium. The three of us spent the next 10 days in Belgium, Netherlands, France, Germany, Luxembourg, and of course, Ireland. Seeing my grandmother's face as we stood near the Blasket Islands on the Dingle Peninsula (where the picture above was taken) and hearing her comment in amazement that she never thought she would make it there, was one of the most fulfilling and wonderful moments of my life. My grandmother had given me so much in my life, and now I was able to help her make her dream come true. It doesn't get much better than that.

Postscript- I spoke to my grandmother this morning. She is now 86 years old, in wonderful health, lives in her own place, keeps a garden in the summer, and walks several miles for exercise each week. Aside from having to wear a hearing aid now, you'd never know she was within shooting distance of 90. Today we reminisced about our trip and once again I was reminded how true it is that we so often get things switched around in our minds. I will often be so focused on the plans I have for bringing myself pleasure and fun, but those fun times can often be fleeting and unsatisfying. How much more lasting is the satisfaction of befriending a neglected child, of visiting and cooking dinner for a sick friend, or of making a wonderful lady's dream come true. This is about as serious as I have ever been on this blog, but maybe this thought can encourage someone to look a little bit beyond your routine and responsibilities and look for an opportunity to do something for someone else in your life. All in all, I don't think that would be a bad thing.

Despair, Inc.

We've all seen those sappy motivational posters that every over-achieving boss insists upon putting up in his office. But here is a company that comes up with "de-motivational" posters and products, some of which are much closer to reality that we might care to admit. Some of these have been around for a long time, but they are still great for a laugh.

All the Things I Never Knew About Myself Until the Internet Came Along

What did we ever do with ourselves before computers and the internet? Just today, look at all the things I found out about myself by taking simple 5-question tests (and I'm sure each of these is scientifically sound and entirely accurate):

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. You're totally weird and very proud of it. Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

You Are Rain

You can be warm and sexy. Or cold and unwelcoming. Either way, you slowly bring out the beauty around you. You are best known for: your touch Your dominant state: changing

What Type of Weather Are You?

Your Hillbilly Name Is...

Goose Hogg

Hillbilly Name Generator

Your Pimp Name Is...

Pimptastico Trickz

What's Your Pimp Name?

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?

How Scary Are You?

Your Daddy Is Patrick Stewart

What You Call Him: Daddy Dearest Why You Love Him: He knows best

Who's Your Daddy?

You Are 78% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're very addicted to love. But you're not really getting the deep love you seek. Short lived, dramatic relationships are more your style. Let go of needing someone, and you may find someone you actually want.

Are You Addicted to Love?

You Are 48% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Your Stripper Song Is

I'm a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears "I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it. I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it." You may seem shy, but you can let your wild side out when you want to!

What Song Should You Strip To?

You Are Rowlf the Dog

Mellow and serious, you enjoy time alone cultivating your talents. You're a cool dog, and you always present a relaxed vibe. A talented pianist, you can play almost anything - especially songs by Beethoven. "My bark is worse than my bite, and my piano playing beats 'em both."

The Muppet Personality Test

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

You Are Bart Simpson

Very misunderstood, most people just dismiss you as "trouble." Little do they know that you're wise and well accomplished beyond your years. You will be remembered for: starring in your own TV show and saving the town from a comet Your life philosophy: "I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!"

The Simpsons Personality Test

You Were a Cougar

You are a great leader who has dominance without ego. You are wickedly cunning and off the scale confident.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead... But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself. You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place. You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

You Are 54% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt. And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting. Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt. And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Your Porn Star Name Is...

Dan Rather

What's Your Porn Star Name?

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

You Are a Losing Lottery Ticket!

Full of hope and promise. But in the end, a cheap letdown.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

What Your Underwear Says About You

When you're bad, you're very bad. And when you're good, you're still trouble! You're the type of guy who lets his boyfriend pick out his underwear.

The Underwear Oracle

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind. You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Diseased Chief. Where You Lived: Thailand. How You Died: Decapitation.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Your Hidden Talent

You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words. You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel. People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation. When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

A Daily Read

On my sidebar, "Sites I Like to Visit with Stuff I Like to Read," you may have noticed The Dilbert Blog, which, as you may suspect, is the blog by Dilbert comic strip creator Scott Adams. Dilbert is one of a handful of comic strips that I would categorize as "brilliant."

If you happen to be one of the smart people of the world (i.e. - a member of the DNRC), you already are familiar with the brilliant humor of Scott Adams, and the Dilbert Blog is a wonderful way to see his humor played out without the constraints of the 3-panel daily comic strip. I highly recommend a daily visit.

And, just for my own amusement, here are what I believe to be the top 5 comics strips of all time (in order of how much I like them:

• The Far Side
• Garfield*
  
• Dilbert
• Calvin and Hobbes
• Mother Goose and Grimm (doesn't really rise to the level of the others, but a 'top 4' list just doesn't seem complete)
  

*For Garfield, I only include the first dozen or so books-worth of comics. On February 7, 2006, Jim Davis released the 42nd book of daily Garfield comic strips. He shoulda retired a long long time ago.

About my job

Click photo to enlarge

I work as the Midwest Regional Manager for Los Angeles-based Omni Marketing Services. About 3 years ago, we purchased a company called Good Neighbor, a grocery store consumer information center company that has been in existence for about 35 years. The previous owners were a large conglomerate of marketing programs, and Good Neighbor got lost in the shuffle of some of their other projects. Consequently, the company was about to go under, but we felt we had an organizational structure that would fit well and could turn the company into something productive.

In the three years since, in spite of some very bumpy roads, we have been fairly successful in this project. Much of this has come by removing much of the "dead weight," people who were taking advantage of the previous owners' ineptness and not doing their job. We have, however, kept one part of the company nearly identically intact from before. This is our warehouse staff. Our warehouse is in Knoxville, Tennessee, and it is staffed by some of the most interesting people I have ever met. As you can see from the picture, they are not exactly the type you would see in a corporate board-room meeting, but these people do an amazing job helping us managers be successful.

Mostly, though, I put this post on here cause I think the picture is funny (the black guy is pretty cute, though, right?).

Lambert's Cafe

Today I was talking to a friend of mine who lives in Springfield, Missouri, and our conversation turned to a wonderful place that I love to visit whenever I'm near Springfield-- Lambert's Cafe in Ozark. Lambert's actually has 3 locations, the other two being in Sikeston, Missouri, and Foley, Alabama. I first visited Lambert's Cafe in Sikeston in 1988 at the suggestion of a family friend when we were on our way to vacation in Branson, Missouri.

Pretty much anything I have had at Lambert's is delicious, but there are a couple things that make it noteworthy and worth a visit if you're ever nearby. First, the restaurant's nickname is "Home of the Throwed Rolls." This is because, during your meal, a waiter will come out of the kitchen with freshly-baked hot delicious rolls and call out to the customers asking if anyone wants a roll. If you want one, rather than handing it to you, he will actually throw the roll across the room to you. He will then be followed up by someone offering delicious sorghum molasses to put on the rolls. You have to be careful lest you fill up on the rolls alone!

The second notable and fun element of the Lambert's experience is the "pass arounds." As soon as you sit down at your table, servers come by carrying pots of various side dishes that you can eat while waiting for your meal to arrive. In fact, you can actually order an empty plate and make the pass arounds your entire meal. The pass arounds include fried okra (my favorite), delicious fried potatoes with onions, macaroni & tomatoes, and black-eyed peas.

If you have not filled up on all the extras, you can get great main entrees as well. I recommend the meatloaf. It's all "down home" cooking, one of the only things I like about the South. So, if you're ever in Missouri or Alabama, skip lunch and plan a big dinner at Lambert's!

US Senate Candidate Wants Death Penalty for Homosexuals

Mike's Note: Think he will make it far in the primaries?

US Senate Candidate Wants Death Penalty for Homosexuals

TOLEDO -- Merrill Keiser, Jr., is a trucker by trade, and he's hoping his next journey takes him all the way to Washington. His goal is a seat in the US Senate, but first he has to make it through the primary that will determine which Ohio Democrat will be the November ballot.

The Fremont man is causing some controversy with one of his beliefs. He tells News 11 homosexuality should be a felony, punishable by death. "Just like we have laws against murder, we have laws against stealing, we have laws against taking drugs -- we should have laws against immoral conduct," Keiser says.

Keiser has no political background. He says the only reason he's running as a Democrat is because that's how he was registered the last time he voted.

Keiser will face Democrat Sherrod Brown in the May primary.

Freaky

I saw this article on my friend Guy's blog, and as he says, this robot will very likely visit you in your nightmares tonight. Watch the video clip and tell me this isn't something out of a sci-fi/horror flick.

Life Imitating Art

On a side note, if you do not watch Bravo's Outrageous and Contagious: Viral Videos, you're missing classics like this one. Leave it to Bravo to create a show with such an obvious idea and make it fun to watch.

Googling Myself

After having spent 6 hours doing mind-numbing work sitting at Caribou Coffee, I knew I was bored when I decided to Google my own name just for kicks. The motivation for this was primarily curiosity about what I would find since I was inadvertently outed to my best friend from college recently when he googled my name and that of my former boyfriend Alfred and found a tribute that I had written to Alfred after his passing. So I was curious what other things were out there on the internet about me.

To my surprise, I found out that, in addition to being a notable Yoga guru and a successful job interview coach, I am actually a black man! And a hot one at that! Actually I remember seeing this particular model's pictures a long time ago, but forgot that he shared my name. I wonder if he has found my modeling pictures and is secretly lusting after me as well?

Interesting Insight on the Oscars

I thought the first quote on Andrew Sullivan's blog today was interesting (on Brokeback Mountain vs. Crash).

In defense of Jon Stewart

And the award for Worst Review of Oscar Night by a Newspaper Columnist goes to Tom Shales of the Washington Post. Among other blathering statements, he called Jon Stewart "a sad and pale shadow of great hosts gone by." Shales continued:

"Stewart began the show drearily, loping through a monologue that lacked a single hilarious joke with the possible exception of 'Bjork couldn't be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her.'

That was about it -- and Stewart had five months, working with his legions of writers from the 'Daily Show' on Comedy Central, to come up with good material. It goes to prove that there's still a big, big difference between basic cable and big-time network television after all."

Perhaps Tom Shales, who won the Pulitzer Prize for Criticism in 1988, has fallen into that trap of believing his own press about how smart he is and taking himself too seriously. Seriously, some of these entertainment critics need to remember that they are dealing with entertainment! Admittedly, I am a big fan of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show, but it doesn't take a dedicated fan to understand that the strength of Stewart's humor is not the same as a Chris Rock stand-up comedian. Stewart's deadpan, satirical presentation of his jokes may not be the roll-in-the-aisles humor of a Steve Martin, but I would argue that it is actually humor at a higher level than the Oscars have seen since the days of Johnny Carson. Personally, I think the always-great Ebert and Roeper had it exactly right when they compared Stewart to Carson. Carson was the master at satire, and there are few comedians today who come anywhere closer to his level than Stewart.

One of the key ways in which this can be seen is in the percentage of jokes that are sexual in nature. Don't get me wrong, sexual jokes are funny, I'm not knocking that. But they are also easy. It doesn't take as much effort to develop sexual humor, simply because there is an naturally higher-level of titillation surrounding sexual topics that are generally taboo in social settings. Thus, comedians have a tendency to gravitate to those jokes; indeed, comedians like Margaret Cho have made a living almost entirely out of such humor.

Stewart, on the other hand, raises his humor above this base level and has become a master of satire. Even his rare sexual references are functional for the purpose of his satire, as in his great line about sending money for the Hollywood actresses who were so strapped for money that they could barely afford enough dress fabric to cover their breasts. Throughout the night, both his prepared and ad-libbed lines were great: "In case you are keeping track, Three 6 Mafia, one Oscar. Martin Scorcese, none."

I can only hope that, when selecting the Oscar host for future shows, those who invite the hosts for the Oscars will listen to Ebert and Roeper or another intelligent man, Steven Spielberg, who said Stewart did "a fantastic job."

Crash and Burn

Ok, so along with every gay guy in the world, I am prepared to storm the gates of the Kodak Theater in protest for the denial of the clearly-superior Brokeback Mountain for Best Picture, which award was instead given to Crash. But then, as I pause for a moment, I think three points are worthy of note:

(1) Heath Ledger is still way hotter than Matt Dillon. No award will ever change that.

(2) Crash is actually a great movie and would have been my runaway best picture choice had Brokeback not been part of the picture this year.

(3) The Academy is consistent about one thing....consistently picking the movies that are NOT the best as Best Picture. Just look at some of the past selections. For instance, does anyone really think that Gladiator was the best picture produced in all of Hollywood in 2000 (with the most over-rated actor in Hollywood as its lead role)? Or Shakespeare in Love beating out Life is Beautiful (one of the greatest movies ever) and Saving Private Ryan in 1998. And have you actually met anyone in your life outside the Academy who thought Dances with Wolves was good for anything except its amazing score? And one final word: The Silence of the Lambs. I rest my case.

Sigh of Relief

Yes, this does not help my text messaging addiction one bit, but at least the money I spent on my wonderful Blackberry phone a mere 3 months ago is not going to waste! Also, I would have missed the new friends I have made at the Texters Anonymous meetings.

Settlement ends Blackberry case

Blackberry devices are used by three million people in the US
The maker of the Blackberry e-mail device has reached a $612.5m (£349m) settlement to end a dispute that could have closed the service in the US.
Canadian company Research In Motion (RIM) said on Friday that the deal with American software firm NTP represented a "full and final settlement".

NTP, which had claimed RIM stole its technology, had tried to get the Blackberry service shut in the US.

The portable device has three million American users.

'Unfettered right'

"All terms of the agreement have been finalised and the litigation against RIM has been dismissed by a court order this afternoon," said RIM.

"The agreement eliminates the need for any further court proceedings or decisions relating to damages or injunctive relief.

"NTP grants RIM an unfettered right to continue its business, including its Blackberry-related business."

The settlement brings to end four years of legal dispute in the US between the two companies.

RIM said it had already put aside $450m for a possible settlement with NTP, and that the additional $162.5m would be recorded in its next quarterly report due in April.

The overall $612.5m settlement compares to the firm's total cash reserves of $1.8bn.

Last year the firms agreed a tentative settlement, but the agreement subsequently collapsed, taking the case all the way to the US Supreme Court.

Earlier this month, the US government asked a federal judge to hold off from a possible shutdown of the Blackberry service, because of the system's popularity among key government employees.

RIM had argued that a shutdown of Blackberry services would impair critical public services.

The Blackberry now has 4.3 million global users.

Pick-up Lines

"Well, since we're gonna be workin' together, I reckon it's time we start drinkin' together." - Jack Twist

First of all, am I losing my mind, or did anybody else notice that this pick-up line from the trailer of Brokeback Mountain is not actually in the movie?

But, in the spirit of tacky pick-up lines, here are some that I found which, depending on your desperation level, could be either entertaining or functional. Warning: Many of these are entirely tasteless, and are included here simply because of the bad influence of dirty-minded friends of mine.

"Excuse me. Can I flirt with you?"

"Can you believe that just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together?"

"Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants."

"Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?"

"Hi. You'll do."

"I think I could fall madly in bed with you."

"That's a nice shirt, it would go great with my floor."

"Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face."

"Excuse me, do you live around here often?"

"Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?"

"Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too."

"Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?"

"Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?"

"Hi, I'm a tawdry slut looking for a good time." (reprinted by permission from James Haenes)

"Hi, wanna fuck? (No!) Mind lying down while I do?"

"I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!" (please note that initial field research has shown this line to be somewhat ineffective)

"Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway."

"Sex is a killer...want to die happy?"

"Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours."