Harry Potter Experiment

This has been around for a long time, but I ran across it today and was humored by it once again (not original with me):

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book

Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang.

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

Presidential Trivia Answers

On Sunday, I presented at random quiz on trivia about US Presidents. In case you missed that post, here is the quiz reprinted:

Easy:
1. Who is the shortest US president?
2. Which presidential child has a candy bar named after him/her?
3. Who is the only US president also to serve on the US Supreme Court?
4. Which US president vomited on the lap of the Japanese prime minister during a state dinner?
5. Who is the last US president to have facial hair while in office?

Tougher:
6. Who are the only 2 US presidents to hold all of the five following offices: state governor, US congressman, US senator, Vice-President, and President?
7. Which 3 US presidents won Nobel Peace Prizes?
8. Who is the only US president whose wife was not born in the United States?
9. Which is the longest-married presidential couple?
10. Who is the only person buried directly between two US presidents?

Painfully Difficult:
11. What common English word very likely originated with President Martin Van Buren?
12. Who are the only two police officers to become president?
13. What is the only book ever written by one ex-president about another one?
14. Which president is buried at the top of a staircase in which the number of stairs is equal to the number of that president in a chronological listing of presidents? (i.e. - if it were George W. Bush, which it obviously is not, it would be a staircase with 43 stairs since he is the 43rd president.)
15. Who is the only US president to be elected on his birthday?

Scroll down for answers.



Answers:

1. James Madison, at 5 feet, 4 inches tall.
2. Ruth Cleveland, daughter of President Grover Cleveland. She was the first presidential child to be born in the White House, and she caused quite a sensation in Washington. And, in her honor, a new candy bar of the time was designated the "Baby Ruth" candy bar.
3. Former President William Howard Taft was appointed to be and served as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
4. George H.W. Bush.
5. Willia Howard Taft (had a moustache).

6. John Tyler and Andrew Johnson
7. Theodore Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, and Jimmy Carter.
8. John Quincy Adams. His wife Louisa was born in England.
9. George H.W. and Barbara Bush (January 6, 2007, will be their 62nd wedding anniversary).
10. Abigail Adams. She is buried in the crypt beneath the United First Parish Church of Quincy, Massachusetts between President John Adams (her husband) and President John Quincy Adams (her son).

11. "Okay". Van Buren was from Kinderhook, New York, and he obtained the nickname "Old Kinderhook." During his campaign for presidnet, "Old Kinderhook Clubs" were established and known as "O.K. Clubs." As time progressed, the abbreviation came to mean "all right" and eventually nearly everyone forgot the word's origin.
12. Theodore Roosevelt and Grover Cleveland
13. Herbert Hoover's book The Ordeal of Woodrow Wilson.
14. Theodore Roosevelt (buried in Young's Memorial Cemetery in Oyster Bay, New York, at the top of a 26-step staircase).
15. Warren Harding, on his 55th birthday, November 2, 1920.

Today's Holidays:

• Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day
• National American Teddy Bear Day
• National Young Readers Day
  

Gerald Ford Becomes Longest-Living US President

For 175 years, John Adams, the second US President, held the distinction of being the longest-living US President (he lived 90 years, 247 days). Then, just five years ago, Ronald Reagan broke the long-standing record and, by the time of his death in 2004, had established a new benchmark of 93 years, 120 days.

However, Gerald Ford, the only US president not elected as president or vice-president, was born just two years after Reagan, and today, November 12, 2006, he passed Reagan's record, now having lived for 93 years, 121 days (and counting). Ford is one of the most athletic presidents ever to serve, having been a football star at the University of Michigan while in office. No doubt his good habits and active lifestyle have contributed to his longevity. The four other living US Presidents have a long way to go to reach Ford's record, as Presidents George H.W. Bush and Jimmy Carter are both 82 years old, and Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush are both 60 years old.

Gerald Ford is also the only surviving member of the Warren Commission, the 7-member panel that investigated the assassination of US President John F. Kennedy.

I'm a huge fan of US Presidential history, so just for the heck of it, here's a little presidential trivia quiz for you. I will post the answers on Tuesday.

Easy:
1. Who is the shortest US president?
2. Which presidential child has a candy bar named after him/her?
3. Who is the only US president also to serve on the US Supreme Court?
4. Which US president vomited on the lap of the Japanese prime minister during a state dinner?
5. Who is the last US president to have facial hair while in office?

Tougher:
6. Who are the only 2 US presidents to hold all of the five following offices: state governor, US congressman, US senator, Vice-President, and President?
7. Which 3 US presidents won Nobel Peace Prizes?
8. Who is the only US president whose wife was not born in the United States?
9. Which is the longest-married presidential couple?
10. Who is the only person buried directly between two US presidents?

Painfully Difficult:
11. What common English word very likely originated with President Martin Van Buren?
12. Who are the only two police officers to become president?
13. What is the only book ever written by one ex-president about another one?
14. Which president is buried at the top of a staircase in which the number of stairs is equal to the number of that president in a chronological listing of presidents? (i.e. - if it were George W. Bush, which it obviously is not, it would be a staircase with 43 stairs since he is the 43rd president.)
15. Who is the only US president to be elected on his birthday?


Today's Holiday:

• I Need a Patch For That Day
  

Potty Mouth, Part 2

A few days ago, I posted a very important message about proper behavior when in public restroom facilities. It was a very timely post brought about by the keen insight of my friend Chargenda on his reknowned blog.

Shortly after I submitted my thoughts on the matter, a good friend was thoughtful enough to share with me the following video, which I believe all men will agree provides essential, socially-vital instruction that all should obey with strict adherance. Please take the time to watch it. Your life and the lives of those you love could very well depend on it.



Then, after the video, here's something else pleasant to look at....

Potty Mouth

A few days ago, my friend Chargenda submitted a post complaining about those people who will talk to you while you are standing at a urinal peeing. I share his aversion to such conversation, although I would make one exception that he did not mention. I would allow speaking to occur if two conditions are both satisfied:

• The guy standing next to me and speaking is hot.
• His sentence is, "When you are done there, would you like me to blow you?"

Apart from this situation, though, silence must and shall be maintained at all times.

Well, Chargenda's comments reminded me of an ad that I saw recently, so I hunted it down and share it with you now:



It is an ad for a wristwatch, and the caption reads, "You'd like to have the same one." Classic!

How I Feel About You

Just want you all to know how I feel about you!



Do you wish these guys like you?....