Welcome Message

SINCE I AM HALF-BILINGUAL, I SELECTED THE TITLE OF THIS BLOG FROM A FRENCH TERM FOR MASTURBATION. WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER HERE ARE ESSENTIALLY RANDOM ORGASMS OF THOUGHT THAT HIT ME IN MOMENTS OF INSPIRATION. YES, SOMETIMES IT'S A BIT MESSY, BUT IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL SO GOOD.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Don't Know Jack


For the first nearly-28 years of my life, I was a very sheltered young man. Prior to a month before my 28th birthday, I had never stayed overnight with a guy (or girl for that matter), had never drank alcohol, did drugs, or smoked a cigarette, never danced, never went to a bar (with the exception of when my car broke down in Wisconsin and I had to call a tow truck).

Now, sometimes I think maybe I missed out on a lot, but most of the time, I'm somewhat glad that I was a bit older before I had these experiences, because I was not the most mature 21-year-old, and I am sure I would not have had much self-control had they come earlier. But, one result of my late blooming is that I am rather ignorant about alcohol. Certainly I have learned plenty in the past 3 years, but I find that I am pretty limited in my drink selections, simply because I don't know everything that's out there. Here is a complete list of drinks that I have sampled (or at least those that I was sober enough to remember):

  • Screwdriver - my very first alcoholic drink, June 27, 2003 (not bad, but haven't had many since)
  • Sex on the Beach - my second drink, same night (too sweet for my taste if I recall correctly, haven't had one since)
  • Long Island Iced Tea - my third drink, same night (and that was enough). Drink these occasionally but not a huge fan.
  • Malibu Rum-Pineapple Juice - currently my favorite drink
  • Effen Black Vodka-Coke - runner-up favorite
  • Captain Morgan-Coke - haven't ordered it since I discovered Effen Black-Coke
  • Bailey's on the Rocks - love it
  • Vodka-Sprite / Vodka-Tonic - good stand-by drinks
  • Mojito - Love it...so refreshing when made well
  • Bloody Mary - very possibly the worst-tasting thing I've ever put in my mouth
  • Smirnoff Ice and other fruity Smirnoffs - not bad, will drink if offered but don't go out of my way
  • Apple Martini - have taken sips from the drink of a particular friend who orders them all the time; not my favorite but not bad either
  • Cosmopolitan - had one very soon after I came out in 2003, didn't like it at all, but someone told me I should give it another chance. Perhaps.
It is possible that I have forgotten some other beverage, but that is essentially my alcoholic repertoire. I have tasted a couple different beers and hated them all. Wine is a taste I am slowly acquiring but am not yet completely appreciating. But it's definitely the mixed drinks that I enjoy, and it is that category that I would like to expand my knowledge of and experience with.

So, I am seeking recommendations. What are your favorite drinks? What are the drinks that you are aghast not to see on my list, that you can't imagine having lived 30 years without? What are the drinks that, if you saw me standing holding them at Sidetrack some Saturday night, you would say, "That guy has good taste in alcohol. I want him"? All comments and suggestions appreciated (and tell me why you like them, what they taste like, etc.).

6 comments:

Sexbox said...

I am ashamed to admit that I know very little about alcohol also despite the fact that whenever I do go out (which is rare) I get completely wasted. I have never have taken the time to really try new drinks. I always order the same things. It's all about getting intoxicated for me, not the taste.....but since you asked....
1. Blue Motherfucker - like a long island but stronger and blue!
2. Tequila Sunrise - a sweet drink and if made correctly you don't taste the tequila.
3. Goldshlager - I do not recommend more than three shots of this. It is VERY strong and has a cinammon flavor. It gets its name because each bottle has 1oz of real gold flakes!

Anonymous said...

aren't you a nancy priss-ass with your little paper umbrellas? well, here are a few suggestions for my little girl drink drunk in the making :)

WHISKY SOURS

Great way to appreciate the brown hooch. Enjoy year round, make sure you get your cherry. It's just not a whisky sour without it.

TOM COLLINS

Falls into that sugary type drink, but it's one of the classic boys. You can't
go wrong if it's made right.

MOJITOS

How do you say yummy in Spanish? It's a rum drink. You'll quickly take to it,
but careful... it's loaded with sugar... lots of calories... hemingway had a
sugar-free version.

AMARETTO SOURS

it's the nice companion to the whiskey sour but dessertier.

SKYY BERRY AND SODA

Hard to find in Chicago bars, but everywhere in NYC

MANDARIN AND SODA

Not bad, not bad, not bad... can make you a bit hangover-y but not bad.

TEQUILA SUNRISE

Worth trying out... and looks pretty too.

LYCHEE MARTINIS

just make sure they do 50 / 50 and you get a real fruit garnish. in some
circles, they're known as the asian orgasm. they're 5 bucks at monsoon on
tuesdays and sundays.

PINOT GRIGIO / GRIS

WHITE BORDEAUX

(both of these are light, thirst quenchers. you're likely to find a pinot grigio
/ gris than a white bordeaux, but it's still more fun and less declasse than a
boring old chardonnay or riesling... it's all in the colors with these boys
though... make sure it's like, almost clear... always avoid the ones that look
yellow. and chill... chill... chill them or they're no good!

RASBERRY KAMIKAZES

Always order top shelf vodka. Easiest shot ever. It's an entry level drink


Shit, I'm wasted :)

Anonymous said...

Damn, you already excluded some of my favorites! If you haven't tried White Russian yet you should. Given that you like Bailey's on the Rocks you will probably like this.

Anonymous said...

ahh coca-cola is just fine for me

Chargenda said...

There are endless martinis, and I just tried a bunch of them this weekend. I used to be all vodka tonics, all the time. Now I mix it up a little more. I do stoli raz and soda a lot. But, the reality is that most drinks don't really do it for me.

Chargenda said...

But, I do love bloody mary's. So good when I am hung over.