Auto-Gratification

Adjusting

2007-03-12T00:47:00.000-05:00

A conversation this weekend has helped me to think through some of the priorities in my life. As regular Auto-Gratification readers have no doubt noticed, my posts lately have been severely lacking.

This has been unavoidable, as my life lately has been rather crazy, particularly with my job in a company that is in a tailspin it is unlikely to recover from. Consequently, I am trying to balance the demands of a very full-time job with the fairly-urgent need to find a new job in a more stable situation.

As a smart friend reminded me this weekend, I need to make sure I am dedicating the maximum amount of effort possible to my occupation situation and not allow myself to use other things (such as blogging) to be used as an escape from the stress I have been under for far too long. For, when I spend my time on things less important, I ultimately only will increase my stress and delay its resolve.

So, today Auto-Gratification is going on an indefinite hiatus. Although I have every intent to return to blogging at some point, I cannot today tell you at what point that will be. I will keep the blog up, and perhaps I will be able to give an update along the way. But at this point, I don't plan to post again until my job situation has settled down and I am comfortably-settled into whatever new opportunity awaits.

Thanks to all who have been so kind in your comments and visits. I do hope that I will be back here again soon....keep checking!

Hope You've Enjoyed the Conversation Thus Far

2007-02-24T18:00:00.000-06:00

One year ago today, on Friday, February 24, 2006, I began Auto-Gratification with a post titled "Talking To Myself." This was my third or fourth attempt at maintaining a blog (each of the others dying after a few short posts). But this one seems to be sticking. I have found that the reality of life keeps me from daily postings as I might like, but looking at my stats shows an average of slightly more than 3 posts per week, so I suppose that is adequate.

As is fairly common for new bloggers, it took me a bit to figure out what I wanted to do with the blog, so some of my early posts are rather boring. But, if the response from friends and acquaintances is any indicator, eventually things improved, and I hope I will continue to entertain or inform or slightly amuse you as the weeks go on.

For those who may not have been here the whole time, here's a few of my personal favorite posts that you might want to check out...

Mardi Gras Origins (February 27, 2006) - My account of the year I attended the Mardi Gras celebration in the village of Binche, Belgium, where many of the traditions of the day originated.
French Sex (April 30, 2006) - As I mention in my blog header, I am half-bilingual, so back in April, I decided to produce a brief guide de terminologie sexuelle française. Even if you don't speak any French, it is a fascinating (and sometimes amusing) look at the way Francophones express themselves in the bedroom.
How to Help a Friend Who is Dealing with the Suicide of a Loved One (May 8, 2006) - Because of the tragedy that I have experienced and survived, I have posted a number of times over the past year on the topic of suicide. This post I wrote in the hopes of giving some practical advice in the event someone finds themselves trying to comfort a friend who is grieving the suicide of a loved one.
Sometimes It Rains (June 28, 2006) - I occasionally write poetry in my journal, but I almost always use poetry to express things that are deeply personal, so only twice have I ever shared something I wrote in that realm publicly. This poem was written as a reminder of the value of friendship when the storms come.
The Pink Letter (July 2, 2006) - I had probably more fun writing this post than nearly any other I have done. Being a fan of classic literature, I often am humored as I run across terms whose meanings have changed over time, a wonderful example being the word "queer." This post illustrates a number of classic literature passages in which they\ author employed that word, never realizing the new, humorous meanings their words would have decades later.
Rice Queen, Part 1 and Part 2 (July 6-9, 2006) - Some thoughts on interracial romance in the gay community.
My Coming-Out Story (October 11-December 10, 2006) - This ended up being a five-part series on my own personal coming-out story. I still intend to write an epilogue as I promised several I would do...perhaps that will be the post to start off my second blogging year.
Choosing Our Battles Wisely (February 21, 2007) - My most recent post prior to this one, but something I feel very strongly about. I lived in Africa for a while and love the people there, so it saddens me to see so many critical of people who are sacrificially giving of their lives to help people they do not even know in lands far away.

Well, thanks to all who have read, commented, complimented, and even criticized me over the past year. I hope you will continue to visit my blog (and link to it!). I will try to make your visits worth the time you give to me. Cheers!

Choosing Our Battles Wisely

2007-02-21T00:01:00.000-06:00

Recently, an anonymous commenter (ah, the joys of anonymity....headstrong statements with no personal consequence) criticized my promotion of the (PRODUCT)^RED campaign a couple months ago.

This commenter said:

You might want to note that the Red Campaign, while a great idea, is quite sexist in the distribution of its funds. As stated on the website: the donations go to women and children. Therefore, presumably, gay men will not in any way benefit from the work. Considering how indiscriminate the disease, it is unfortunate that money must be distributed in a discriminatory manner.

Since this comment was just made recently, it is unlikely that my response will be noticed by too many people, but Mr. or Ms. Anonymous kinda provoked my ire a bit, so I wanted to include my thoughts on a separate post here for your consideration. With slight modification, this is what I said in my response:

I think that perhaps you are being unnecessarily harsh on the campaign. The fact that they are raising funds only for women and children is not ipso facto sexist. The thrust of this particular fundraising drive is to raise money to provide the medicine that will keep a mother from passing HIV on to her unborn child, a goal that all of us would applaud. Just because this particular organization does not focus on every single person infected with HIV/AIDS is simply not sexist.

To focus on addressing one part of a complex problem in no way negates or lessens the work of others addressing a different part.It is no different than the Children's Memorial Hospital here in my hometown of Chicago. Is it sexist (or "ageist") when someone raises funds for the cancer unit of that hospital? After all, cancer indiscriminately affects adults as well as children. In fact, probably adults are even more at risk than children in many cases. So should those raising funds for that unit be criticized and rejected? Certainly not! The focus on fighting a problem in one area in no way negates or lessens the work of others fighting it in another area. Both are legitimate, both are essential, and both should receive support rather than criticism for their efforts.

Not only is it not sexist for the (PRODUCT)^RED campaign to operate as they do, it also is very likely more practical and efficient than a less-focused effort, for it gives very specific guidance and direction to those using the funding. Rather than arbitrary decisions concerning fund distribution, those involved know exactly what the money is to be used for and can simply focus on getting the medicine out as quickly as possible.

Additionally, if you look into Bono's efforts in Africa, you will find that the (PRODUCT)^RED campaign is only one aspect of his involvement with the needs of that continent. He has been instrumental in addressing many issues related to poverty and HIV/AIDS, and nobody who claims he is sexist in his efforts is even remotely fair to him.

And finally, it is a very selfish thing to assume that gay men will not benefit from the work of (PRODUCT)^RED. Do gay men not have nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters, whose lives could be saved through the medicine provided by this campaign? Are we not members of a society and world community in which each of us is affected by the well-being, health, and prosperity of others? Are we gay men so selfish that we have to get the medicine for ourselves before we can be excited and enthusiastic about lives being saved? I certainly hope not!

And I hope that each of us will be more determined today and every day of our lives to figure out where the real enemies are and stop shooting at our friends.

(Note: For more information on (PRODUCT)^RED, click on the logo on the top portion of this blog's right-screen sidebar).

I Might Take Some Heat For This...

2007-02-16T10:47:00.000-06:00

OK, so I feel like stirring up a bit of trouble this morning. I predict, with confidence, that in the (hopefully) not-too-distant future, the idea of an anthropogenic global warming crisis will be seen to be grossly overstated, if not outright false and foolish. Whether or not this happens before an Oscar and Nobel Prize are wasted on Al Gore may be debatable, but I look forward to seeing the entertainment as the lemmings begin to back-pedal and try to save face when the politico-science of anthropogenic global warming gives way to fact.

As US President John Adams wrote in 1770, in the days when he was a lawyer in Boston, "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence."

Now, I'm sure that my statements here have angered many, so feel free to fire away at me in the comments if you feel the urge. Don't worry; I can take it. Just do me a favor and bookmark this page or my e-mail address so that you can remember where to send your apology note when you realize I am correct.

Retread: Hopeless Romantic

2007-02-14T00:01:00.000-06:00

A Happy Valentine's Day to each of you. In honor of this holiday, I want to re-post links to the "Hopeless Romantic" series of posts that I wrote last year. I think Valentine's day has the potential to be a wonderful holiday, although cynicism and commercialism are constantly attempting to creep in. But I still see a world in which people fall in love and find passion in producing joy in the life of a partner. So, how is it that we identify the true romantics? Check these out for a starter's guide to romance:

The Brown Dragon

2007-01-31T14:46:00.000-06:00

On September 10, 2004, I got my first tattoo. It speaks of the lessons I learned from my "coming out" experience. I wrote about the first tattoo previously on this blog, and you can read about it here if you like.

Now, if you read that post, you will see that I planned out the tattoo's timing and meaning to the extreme. It was a very important reminder to me of a milestone in my life that continues to shape me to this day. After I got the first tattoo, I did not necessarily intend to get another one. For one thing, I did not foresee another event that would be as life-changing as my “coming out," so it seemed that any new tattoo would be somewhat trivial in comparison to the meaning behind the first. Little did I know how wrong I was.

As I have mentioned on this blog before, I lost my boyfriend to suicide on October 13, 2005. And, compounding the loss of my boyfriend was the trauma of being the one to find him hanging from a rope in his bedroom. This sent my life into a turmoil that could have easily become a tailspin. However, through the aggressive love and constant support of amazing friends and family, I survived even through pain deeper than I had ever known.

We are approaching one year since we buried Alfred. Due to circumstances surrounding government regulations and transporting remains out of the country (part of his remains buried in his home town in the Philippines and part at his adopted home here in Chicago), we did not have the burial service here until February 15, about 4 months after his death. As I was thinking about this today, I decided I would share the story of my second tattoo. I have told it to a few close friends, but I think it would be good to share here in hopes that perhaps it can be an encouragement to someone else going through a dark time in his or her life.

I think it is natural, upon the loss of a loved one, to desire to do something to keep his memory alive, perhaps to convince oneself that the person is not forgotten. Even as I was slowly beginning to face the reality that Alfred was gone from my life forever, I knew that I wanted to do something that would remind me of him and the wonderful memories we shared during our all-too-brief time together. I’m not certain exactly at what point the idea of getting another tattoo entered my mind, but certainly by early December 2005 I was seriously considering it. And, the more I contemplated, the more I realized how meaningful a tattoo could be in this situation. So, on December 29, 2005, I received my second tattoo. Here, as concisely as possible, is the meaning and significance of the tattoo:

The design of the tattoo was much easier to decide upon than the first one I got. I knew I wanted something that would be a good memory for me of Alfred, yet I was level-headed enough to know I wasn’t going to inscribe his name on my arm or anything like that. Also, on the slightly more shallow side of things, I kinda wanted a tattoo that would be a little more “exciting” than my first. The idea that quickly came to mind was Alfred’s nickname which I often used, “Brown Dragon.” I am not certain where he got that nickname, but it was one that I thought would be a great memorial idea. A brown dragon would be meaningful to me, yet it would avoid potential awkwardness in future relationships both because the significance would be muted apart from my explicit explanation and because it would just look like a nice tattoo (so I hoped and so I believe).

I intentionally chose to have the size of the tattoo be much larger than my first, symbolizing that this was an experience that overshadows even the most difficult moments of my life to this point. The pain I have gone through is beyond anything I have ever imagined, or imagined being able to endure. And it is this pain and its results that add the most meaning to the tattoo.

The process of getting the tattoo applied took about 2 hours. During the application, it feels as if the artist is taking a knife and cutting you open. It struck me that, out of this rather intense pain came a thing of beauty. If I had not gone through the pain, I could not have seen the beauty of the artwork. As with the tattoo (though on a completely different scale), Alfred’s death has brought intense pain into my life. And yet, I have seen beauty emerge even from that pain. I believe the experience has made me a better friend, son, brother. Where I have had a lifelong tendency to be somewhat self-absorbed (perhaps not actively selfish, but just so much in my own little world that I don’t notice the needs of others), I have found myself more actively looking for ways to show kindness, friendship, and love to those in my life. Relationships that had been strained I have sought to restore. I have written letters to my family for no other reason than to remind them that I love them and am thankful to be in their lives. The experience has helped me to re-evaluate my life, and goals that had faded have come into sharper focus. I have determined to make major changes in my career, aiming to return to school to enter a profession that will help people and make a difference in a way that marketing and advertising never could. And, I remember daily the preciousness of each moment I have in this life and attempt to make the most of the time I have been given. None of these beautiful things would have happened had I not gone through the pain.

When I look into the mirror of my life, it will not be the pain I see; it will be the beauty that has resulted from the pain.A tattoo is permanent. It becomes part of who I am. In a sense, it changes me. If I bleached my hair or had a nose job, I would in some way be a different person. The tattoo is similar. For the rest of my life, when I remove my shirt, people will see something different that was not there before. It will become an element that, combined with the rest of my body, defines me. In this case, the size of the tattoo causes it to be a quickly-noticeable element of who I am. However, its location (on my lower torso) makes it so that it will only be seen when my shirt is removed. I will go through much of my life with nobody seeing it. When I am dressed up and the “real” me is covered by colorful clothing, those around me will not see the tattoo. But, when the shirt is removed and I am at my most “real”, unhidden moments, it will be clearly seen. The parallels to my recent experiences are easy to see. I am a different person because of Alfred’s suicide. That is permanent. This trial has been so deeply imprinted upon my soul that I have been forever changed. Sure, in much of my life, I will go about my business without those around me noticing the change. But, in those “real” moments of life, when I have the opportunity to help a hurting friend, when I can reach out to someone who has lost hope, when I express to my future lover how much he means to me and how much I value every moment with him, the impact this has had upon me will be as clear as the tattoo on my body.

The first several days after the tattoo is applied, that area of skin is very tender. Just slight pressure would bring back the pain of the application. For a week or two, it is even ugly, as the area scabs over while the body heals itself. For the first month or so, the tattoo is thought of often, both because of its novelty and because of the pain that is felt. But, as time passes, the skin heals, the pain fades, and the novelty wears off. Active thoughts of the tattoo diminish. Yet, although I will think less and less often and long about the tattoo over the months and years to come, it will still be a part of me. As with my first tattoo, the subconscious reminders will continue long after the novelty wears off. Again, the comparison should be clear. The initial days and weeks of dealing with Alfred’s suicide were extremely painful. It took almost no pressure for me to feel the pain and fall into tears. There have even been some very “ugly” moments, where I have made decisions that were hurtful to myself and others, allowing the scabs to obscure the beauty that would eventually emerge. But, every day, as I learned to stand the loss, the pain lessened, and even became bearable. Now, my thoughts are less and less consumed by the heartache, but the reminders will always be there, and they will come to mind on occasion for the rest of my life.

But, as time passes, when I look into the mirror of my life, it will not be the pain and scabs I see; it will be the beauty that has resulted from it. Certainly I will never be thrilled about the pain I went through, but I will grow to be grateful for the beauty that it produced.

For my friends and family, I trust it will be the same. The reality of my losing a love to suicide is a permanent part of my life and who I am. Alfred, my love for him, and the loss I have felt will have an influence upon the rest of my life. But this does not have to be a “scab” that repulses or holds people at arm’s length. Instead, I hope they will see the beauty that has resulted.

I hope they will understand that, when I express my concern over their pain, heartache, and struggles, it is no longer the casual, flippant words that we so often toss about with our acquaintances. Rather, I really want to know how I can be an encouragement, and my concern over my own convenience has lessened dramatically.

When I ask “How are you?”, I actually want to know. I don’t ever again want someone I care for to think he is alone, or to be without hope and in despair. I want others to know that, if nobody else is there, I will be a true friend.

This is not any sort of self-aggrandizing Messiah complex. Rather, it is just a perspective change resulting from a deep, dark trial that I am determined to see ultimately result in beauty.

Bottoms Up Day

2007-01-20T15:19:00.000-06:00

"I'm going to be your bottom, Kenneth, and I want you to ride me as hard as you can."

-Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) to Kenneth (Jack McBrayer, pictured) in Thursday's episode of NBC's 30 Rock.

I submit this post for one purpose alone, and that is to say, if you are not watching NBC's Thursday night comedy 30 Rock on a regular basis, you are missing one of the best shows on TV today. Tina Fey (the star and executive producer of the show) is brilliant, and Alec Baldwin (richly deserving of his recent Golden Globe Award), if possible, outshines even Fey's amazing talent. Smart, funny, edgy, and engaging: 30 Rock is everything a TV comedy series should be. Watch it!

Re-post: A Desire to Travel

2007-01-15T14:42:00.000-06:00

Today, we in America celebrate the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. So many blogs today are writing eloquently about the importance of this day, and I could not hope to add to what has been said in any significant way. So I thought a good way to note the day is to rerun a post I wrote in May 2006 concerning some of the important formative events of my life in regard to understanding prejudice that can so easily creep into our thinking without our even realizing it. And I hope that I can, in whatever small ways from day to day, be a part of the solution rather than the problem: by cultivating respect and dignity for all people, whether they are close and familiar to me or distant and perplexing; by recognizing that different is not inferior, but that beauty is found in all cultures and peoples; and by humbly realizing that I can learn from every person I meet if I will take the time to look past the shallowness of externals, cross the line of cultural discomfort, and celebrate rather than denigrate those things which make each of us unique.

From May 24, 2006:

Tonight I got my photos taken for my new passport. My first passport expires on June 4. It's hard to believe that just 10 years ago I was preparing for my first trip ever out of the country, but now I have traveled extensively through nearly 20 countries on 3 continents. That even increased my desire to travel in my own country, and I have been to 43 of the US States, 40 of those within the past 10 years.

I hope I can cultivate respect and dignity for all people, recognize that different is not inferior, and realize that I can learn from every person by looking past externals, crossing the line of cultural discomfort, and celebrating those things which make each of us unique.If you were to ask me what have been the most significant forces in my life in a positive sense to make me who I am today, there are a couple things that would quickly come to mind. First would be parents and a grandmother who showed me by example what it means to learn and change and not assume I know everything, to live by a strong moral code of unselfishness and giving to others, to not be afraid to admit I am wrong, and who, in spite of differences and disagreements (sometimes very sharp) have always loved me unfailingly. But outside of the direct influence of my family, perhaps no other force in my life has so radically affected my outlook on life than my international traveling.

For travel is not just about getting the snapshot from the top of the Eiffel Tower (spent weeks in Paris and never did that....the Arc de Triomphe view is far better). It's not about bringing back t-shirts and key chains and making family members sit through hours of slides of your trip to Thailand on New Year's Even when they would rather be just about anywhere else besides listening to you drone on and on about the....oh, sorry, I think some bitterness against my uncle just came out there.

Traveling internationally will give you a perspective on life and culture and politics and belonging that you cannot get any other way, I am convinced. This is something that starts from the moment you leave the airport of your home. There's a big difference from a Los Angeles-Chicago flight than a Chicago-Accra, Ghana flight. It took me 24 hours of travel with a layover in Europe to get to Africa, and suddenly, I started to comprehend how big the planet is and how small my little world had been to that point.

I saw my thinking transform from that scourge of Midwestern Mentality and American superiority to understanding how much I could learn from other cultures and peoples. I began to understand the subtle undercurrent of prejudice that ran through my beliefs and opinions. During the six months I lived in Africa (in the country of Togo), I experienced something that very few American-born white guys have the privilege of experiencing, and that is to get a glimpse of what it is like truly to live as a minority. For there were times in Africa when I would go days without seeing another person with white skin. Admittedly, the Togolese people are very kind and welcoming to the "yovos" (white-skinned people), but just the feeling of being on the "outside" has never left me. And I think (and hope) it has helped me to be more sensitive and understanding since I have been back in the States.

One of the coolest things I have noticed which shows me that perhaps something fundamental changed in my mind from traveling is this: 10 years ago, without exception, every one of my close friends was a white American of western-European descent. Today, however, through no conscious choice or intention to make it this way, I have been blessed to have one of the most international group of friends of anyone I know. And stop chuckling, they are not all from Asia!

So, I am thankful for several things tonight. First, I am thankful for the privilege I have had to travel--simply for the amazing places I have seen and things I have experienced...

from the historic grandeur of the Coliseum in Rome
to the happily-endured heartburn from the little greasy fajita stand in Mexico
to the silent awe at the breathtaking Cliffs of Moher in Ireland (where I did the most insane thing I have ever done in my entire life)
to the ingenuity, beauty, and hospitality shown to us at the mud castles of the Tam Berma people in Togo.

Second, I am thankful for the way traveling has changed my perspective on the world, trusting it has made me into a better person. And finally, I'm so thankful that it's time for me to get a new passport so I can get rid of that picture with those huge glasses. What was I thinking?

A Flattering Way to End the Year

2006-12-31T16:40:00.000-06:00

Well, I have certainly been out of the loop with the holidays, because I just noticed today that on December 22, Best Gay Blogs, the best directory on the internet for gay blogging, wrote a long and very kind review of Auto-Gratification. Now, although I tend to be somewhat skeptical about internet accolades (any geek with a copy of Photoshop can make an internet "award"), it is gratifying to read such a kind review, since it reflects a real effort to read through my blog and "get" what I'm writing about. Plus, being featured on the premiere gay blog directory is slightly more significant than winning "Billy Bob's Sites That Give Me a Boner" award. So thanks, to Best Gay Blogs, and best wishes to all in 2007! I hope that, as I continue to pleasure myself with this blog, each of you will get turned on as I shoot a little bit your direction as well!

No Big Surprise

2006-12-20T13:37:00.000-06:00

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 5.19

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:

0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

My Coming-Out Story, Part Five

2006-12-10T18:02:00.000-06:00

Note: If you have not already done so, be sure to read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4 of my coming-out story so this part will make sense a bit more.

My Coming-Out Story, Part Five: Not Exactly as Planned (Conclusion)

I had a plan. Perhaps it wasn't perfect, but it certainly seemed workable.I had a plan. Perhaps it wasn't perfect, but it certainly seemed workable. I was returning to the city of my childhood--Los Angeles, California. My cousin was to be married, and I was the piano player for the wedding. So, my parents (who had recently moved to Kentucky) and I would have the opportunity on the Monday after the wedding to sit down and talk. I knew they wouldn't be happy about my coming out, and I was prepared for the questions and emotion that would come, or so I thought. At the very least, I anticipated that we would have a profitable discussion, where I could explain to them that I wasn't going to start dressing in drag and having public sex, but rather I was just going to be honest about who I am.

We all gathered in southern California around mid-week. Friday night was the wedding rehearsal and Saturday the wedding. My parents and brother joined me on Thursday for a day at Universal Studios, and we had a great time together. According to my plan, we would have the wedding events on Friday and Saturday, a nice day to relax on Sunday, then on Monday I would have "the talk" with my parents. Then, even if it was difficult, I would fly back to Illinois on Tuesday morning, and life would be good.

But it was not to be so. Friday evening, we had the wedding rehearsal and dinner. Our entire extended family on my dad's side gathered in the church building to walk through the events of the next day. I sat up on the stage playing the romantic piano melodies I had prepared, trying not to be too obvious as I looked at the hot friend of the groom who was in the wedding party. Eventually, they came to the point where they were going to discuss the vows and charge to the couple, and all the other non-musical items of the service. So, I decided to step off the stage for a bit and sit next to my mother, who was just watching off to the side.

As we sat there and chatted a bit, my mom asked how things were going at church. Now, if you have read the previous sections of this story, you know that church is a big deal to my family. My parents' primary reason for moving to the place they now live was the church they attend. And they had visited my church in Illinois on a couple occasions and loved it. However, they had no idea that I had been kicked out of the church for being gay and that the pastor had treated me shamefully. So, it was not an unusual question for my mom to ask, but it certainly was undesirable timing.

I tried to delay the answer at first, telling her that that was something I was planning to talk to my dad and her about after the wedding events were completed, and that it was a discussion that would take too long to begin right then. Rather than calming her, though, she became concerned and started pressing me further. So I said that I would explain everything on Monday, but I wasn't planning to attend that church any longer, and I planned to move to Chicago the next month. But I said I didn't think that my cousin's wedding rehearsal was the best time to discuss this.

Now, what happened next is the strongest example I have ever seen of a mother's intuition. Keep in mind that my parents, to this point, did not know of my strong attraction to guys. Even when I was forced to return from Europe (see part 3 of this story), they thought it was because I had violated the missionary agency's pornography policy. But sitting there in that church, my mother turned to me and said, "Are you gay?"

If there is one thing I cannot do well, and which I hate to do in the first place, it is to lie to my mother. When I was in elementary school, I lied to my mother once and said I ate the apple she gave me at lunch when I had actually thrown it away. It bothered me so much that I couldn't sleep that night, and I woke her up in the middle of the night to confess and apologize. I have said many times that, if it were not for her opposition to my sexual orientation, I would have the perfect mother.

So, I said, "Yes, I am gay."

Oops.

I knew that coming out would likely be an emotional experience. I anticipated my parents being upset, but I envisioned it happening in a hotel room where we would have privacy and a discussion about it. I planned on both parents being there, because they do a good job of keeping each other calm in strained situations. But I never planned for this.

For a moment, my mother went silent. Her jaw was very tight, a look I had seen before when she was very upset. Her eyes started to appear moist. Then, attracting a lot of attention from our entire family standing around the church sanctuary, she stood up quickly and left the room. Hoping to calm her down, I followed her outside and tried to talk to her.

What happened next was a couple hours of pure emotion coming from my mother. She was crying almost the whole time, trying to convince me I wasn't gay, that I shouldn't move to Chicago, that I was going to ruin my life. She was so upset that, within a few minutes of each other, she made both of the following statements:

"You will die of AIDS before you are 30."
"You will grow up to be a lonely old man."

The two of us missed the remainder of the wedding rehearsal and the entire dinner. And even worse, we were in the corridor between the church building and the dining hall where the dinner was held, so all of our family members walked past us seeing my mother crying and our intense discussion.

The following couple months were pretty rough between me and my parents. I moved to Chicgao in October, by which time I was often not answering their calls because I couldn't handle the crying (of both parents) and pressure all the time. Finally, in the early part of November, my mom asked me if I was going to be with them for Thanksgiving. I told her that, if the trip was just going to be four days of them trying to convince me not to be gay, I could not handle that. A couple days later, my dad called, and I saw the first very small step my parents took toward calming down. My dad told me that he knew they had made it very clear what they thought about my sexuality, and their opinion had not changed. However, he said that, more importantly, I am their son whom they love, and they would not bring up the subject again.

Thanksgiving was very tense and uncomfortable, but they kept their word. Then Christmas was slightly better, and each visit afterward has improved. Three years later, I have seen my parents make amazing steps that I never would have imagined. They still hold to their belief that gay sex is sinful, but they are much less dogmatic about so many other things. They no longer believe I "chose" to be gay or that I am gay because they were bad parents. They realize that I'm not out on the weekends participating in S&M drag gangbang orgies. They don't make my "sin" to be somehow a big sin worse than all others. They have met a number of my gay friends and are thoughtful in their comments about issues that we discuss. And they have kept their word and have not gotten on my case about it ever since.

After moving to Chicago, I did not attend church for nearly a year, but then I found a church that seemed to have a good balance. As time has progressed, I have found it to be a very welcoming church and actually look forward to services there. I know I'm in the minority when it comes to gay guys and religion, and I must say I find it very hard to be critical of gay guys who want nothing to do with religion, because it seems most religions don't want anything to do with us. But for myself, I have found it to be a source of encouragement and stability, and hopefully people can see in me someone who is working on a balance in faith and sexuality, someone who takes my faith seriously but doesn't take myself too seriously. And most of all, that I will be a person of faith but never of judgment. I think that church should be a place where people go because we realize we are not perfect, not because we think we are. My attending church is a statement that I know I have things to improve on, not a statement that others are worse than me. Perhaps if more church people understood that, we would have less antipathy between the gay and religious communities.

As for me, I'm probably still a little messed up in the head. My friends could vouch for that. But coming out was the first of many important steps that I have taken to be real and who I need to be. It's still a process, for sure, but I am at a point where I can honestly say I hold no anger toward those who have wronged me in the past, nor do their opinions and judgments hold me back from being myself. Hopefully, I will continue to live in a way that will show the critics that stereotypes are distortions of reality, and a gay man can indeed be someone who is kind, self-disciplined, and someone worth calling a friend.

Harry Potter Experiment

2006-12-09T13:00:00.000-06:00

This has been around for a long time, but I ran across it today and was humored by it once again (not original with me):

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book

Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang.

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

World AIDS Day

2006-12-01T16:45:00.000-06:00

Today is World AIDS Day, and many others have spoken or will speak of it far more eloquently than I ever could. I do think it is wonderful that, each year, the tragedy that this disease has caused worldwide becomes more and more understood and responded to. Slowly, we see foolish assumptions and myths about HIV/AIDS fading away, as politicians, physicians, and the general public are realizing the importance of addressing the issue with compassion and honesty. I love how celebrities like Bono are choosing to leverage their popularity to accomplish great things in this realm. And a day like today is excellent for helping to increase public awareness, education, and compassion for those who live with HIV/AIDS.

But I also think today is important for a reason that those of us in the gay community are probably aware of more than most; that is, for those of us who are HIV-negative to remind our friends and family members who are living with HIV/AIDS of our love and support and total acceptance of them. I have known many people in my life with HIV/AIDS, having lived in West Africa where it was very prevalent, as well as knowing numerous HIV-positive friends and acquaintances here in the States. But it hit home more directly than ever this year, when within three months of each other, two people very close to me tested positive. Suddenly, it wasn't just acquaintances that I would see occasionally at a club or party; it was people who I would interact with regularly, people who I loved and looked to for help when I faced difficulties in life.

And, as my loved ones have progressed on their journies through this new challenge, I have been so happy to see them both moving from a very low place to paths of hope and happiness--anticipation of lives that will be full and satisfying, perhaps even more so than before, since they have faced a challenge that gives them an appreciation for life and health and love. And, I think that is a wonderful message for World AIDS Day... HIV/AIDS does not have the power to crush the human spirit or to fracture hope or to restrain love. It cannot suffocate laughter or silence creativity or shatter true friendship or stifle compassion.

Have you ever had a really bad day? One in which you just feel like your are overwhlemed by your circumstances? Where you are on the verge of tears or just want to hit a wall or scream into your pillow? But then, a friend or loved one comes into the room and, with a clever comment or well-timed joke totally diffuses the tension. I don't mean a careless joke that indicates your problems are not real nor important. But a gentle humor that communicates they love you and that they know you are going to make it through this trial. When this happens, at first you don't want to laugh, or even smile, because in a perverse way, we sometimes jealously hold on to anger or frustration. But when the laughter overcomes us, and we are forced to release the anger (since anger will not co-exist with laughter), we physically and emotionally feel that knot in our stomach begin to loosen and the load on our heart to lighten. It doesn't eliminate the problems we are facing, but it gives us the perspective to know we can make it through the valleys in life because we are loved.

Today's Holidays:

World AIDS Day
Day Without Art Day
Bifocals at the Monitor Liberation Day (I don't know what it is, either)

My Coming-Out Story, Part Four

2006-11-27T01:01:00.000-06:00

Note: If you have not already done so, be sure to read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of my coming-out story so this part will make sense a bit more.

My Coming-Out Story, Part Four: Personal Exposure

When I returned to the States from my abbreviated time in Europe (see earlier posts for context), I bounced around aimlessly for a bit before finally landing in northwestern Illinois in May 2003. It was that month when I would finally begin to make choices that would help me to move in a new direction away from the cycle of frustration I had been in for so many years. I would indeed begin a new life. But, as with any new life, there is inevitably some birthing pain.

When I moved into my new Midwestern apartment, I did two things almost immediately. First, I found a new church to attend. Call it force of habit or whatever you will, but I had attended church my entire life, and the thought still had not occurred to me that not attending church could ever be an option. Instead of being an active participant in a pastoral role, however, I took much more of a spectator's position in the new church, not really wanting to attract any more attention to myself. And second, I decided I really needed to figure out this whole "gay thing" through some method other than by going to church people for advice or by just ignoring it and hoping it would go away.

The problem was, I had no idea how to meet gay people. I was two months away from my 28th birthday, and I was still one of the most sheltered people you would ever meet. I had never knowingly associated with another gay person. I had never entered a bar of any kind (much less a gay one) except once in Wisconsin to call for assistance when my car broke down in a blizzard. I had never danced. I had never tasted alcohol, smoked a cigarette, or done drugs. And yes, I was a virgin (to all sex, straight or gay-- I never even had a romantic kiss!).

Fortunately, technology was advancing quite nicely by this point, and I remembered something I had observed when checking my e-mail on Yahoo. I saw this fascinating site called Yahoo Personals, in which you could say whether you were a "Man seeking a Woman" or a "Woman seeking a Man." But, amazingly enough, you could actually change the option to be "Man seeking a Man." Simultaneously terrified and aroused, I went to the site and, for the first time ever, saw personal ads for gay men.

I looked at the ads and pictures for a week or so, and finally, I worked up the courage to reply to one. Looking back, I am amazed at my good fortune in that first tentative contact. Any of us who have been on an online dating site know that, when you are contacted by someone with no picture posted (which was the case with me, as I was terrified someone I knew would find out I was on a gay site), more often than not, the person is ignored. But the guy that I e-mailed actually responded. He was a handsome college student, just a couple years younger than me, and he was at a university about 45 minutes from where I was living. And, to show you how blessed I was to meet this particular guy, a quick fast-forward to today, November 2006, finds that that same guy is one of my dearest friends and lives just a few doors down the street from me here in Chicago, nearly two hours from where I was living when I first e-mailed him!

When my friend responded to my e-mail greeting, I explained to him a bit of my situation, that I was completely new to all of this and absolutely terrified (I think I worded it as "kinda nervous"). He kindly corresponded back and forth with me several times, but it being May, he was just finishing school and was, in fact, graduating. So, in early June, he moved two hours away to Chicago, before we ever had the chance to meet in person. But, by that point, we decided we did want to meet, and so one day we arraned to have dessert in one of the Chicago suburbs about half the distance between us. I had a great time and was amazed to find a normal, attractive, masculine gay guy who I got along well with! I was thinking that he must be the only one of his kind, and I just got lucky!

That first meeting was followed up only a couple weeks later by the night that would change everything for me. June 27, 2003. Friday night. Pride weekend in Chicago. Exactly one month before my 28th birthday. My new friend invited me to drive into the city and stay at his place. He would then give me a tour of gay Chicago. I had to leave Saturday afternoon for a business trip to Dallas, but I agreed to hang out with him on Friday night and see what it was all about.

Now, try to picture this in your mind. As we left his apartment to head out to the gay clubs of Chicago, I was braced for the most extreme situations I could imagine. Because my exposure to gay people was essentially what I saw on the cover of Focus on the Family magazines, I naturally assumed that my friend and I would be the only two gay guys there who were not dressed in women's clothing, and I was certain that these "gay clubs" would be full of men having sex together. I had never been in any bar or club, so I didn't even have straight clubs to use as a reference point in my mind.

So, when we walked into Spin and Roscoe's and I saw these places full of handsome guys, some of whom even smiled at me, I was completely overwhelmed. I experienced a range of emotions that night that I have felt very seldom to that intensity. It was that same night that I tasted alcohol for the first time, that I was knowingly around more than one gay guy at a time, that I danced for the first time, and that I stayed the night at another gay guy's house for the first time.

It was at some point when I was with my friend on the dance floor at Roscoe's, awkwardly attempting to dance but having no idea how, that I experienced something that probably all of us who have come out have felt at some point. Bonnie Tyler was singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart", a song I had never heard before but knew I instantly loved. And it hit me. For the first time in my life, I was real. This was me. I wasn't suppressing what I knew I felt. I wasn't trying to be what everyone else expected of me just to keep them happy. I was just being who I was. And it was the most freeing, most satisfying, most relieving feeling I had ever had. For a moment, I just closed my eyes, and soaked in the sound and atmosphere, and I knew nothing would ever be the same for me. To this day, when I hear "Total Eclipse of the Heart", I feel a little bit better and smile a bit more.

That weekend began a summer of exploring this new world that had opened up to me. With perhaps only one or two exceptions, I would drive two hours to Chicago every Friday night and go out with my friend, then drive home Saturday evening. I could not have asked for a kinder, more easy-going, more patient friend than he. We got along famously, and he would let me go out and explore on my own, always keeping his door open to me anytime I needed a place to go.

Oh, and I won't kiss and tell and say with whom or when or where, but by the end of the summer, I wasn't a virgin anymore. And I found out I am a big fan of kissing.

Summer began to wind down, and near the end of August, I concluded that I needed to be honest about who I was with the people in my life. The very first person that I came out to was my roommate, a very hot straight guy. If all my other conversations went as well as that, I would have been the luckiest guy ever. My roommate could not have been more supportive. I think he knew the difficult times that were going to be on my path soon, because he went out of his way to make me comfortable and to let me know I could be real around him. He knew that I thought he was hot, and I think he loved the attention. The first time I met his girlfriend was when I arrived home to find the two of them making out on the couch in the living room. My roommate introduced me to his girlfriend and then told her, "Eukolos wishes it was he who was on the couch making out with me!" He would walk around the house after a shower wearing only his towel and say, "Eukolos, I bet you wish this towel would fall off, don't you?"

The next situation, however, did not go as well. I knew that, if I was going to be real and stop faking, I would have to change churches, because the church I was attending took a very clear stance against homosexuality. However, I naively hoped that I could leave quietly, explaining to the pastor that I appreciated his kindness to me, but that I needed to move on. Well, after writing a very kind, non-judgmental letter to the pastor, he completely freaked out, and as I mentioned in part 3 of this story, he told me he was going to pray that God would kill me, then he kicked me out of the church.

That was the breaking point for me. In a short time, I had seen unconditional acceptance and kindness from my gay friend in Chicago (and a growing number of other gay guys I was meeting there), but then I had seen flat-out mean-spirited and angry responses from church people. I figured that, since every church experience when I was real about my sexuality had been so bad, I no longer wanted anything to do with church. So in September 2003, for the first time in my 28 years of life, I stopped attending church. And I decided to move to Chicago.

By the end of August, I knew the inevitable could not be postponed much longer. I needed to tell my family. And it happened that our entire family would be gathering in Los Angeles in mid-September for my cousin's wedding. So, since it was only a couple weeks out and my parents and brother and I were going to stay a few days after the wedding, I thought that would be an ideal opportunity to explain things to them.

Well, once again I am a bit long-winded. If I have not built up enough anticipation for this next part of the story yet, I don't know what will. But to do this justice, I will have to extend the story a bit further into another post, which I will attempt to write quickly.

However, if your patience will indulge me a bit further today, let me conclude this post by sharing something that has been foundational in my life ever since 2003.

On September 10, 2004, I got my first tattoo. For many years I had been fascinated with tattoos, and in recent years that fascination had grown into an interest in getting one myself. However, after having observed many tattoos, I determined that, were I ever to get one, it would have to be very meaningful and significant to me, something that I won’t mind having on my body when I’m in my 70's. As cool as I might think it would be to have the Tazmanian Devil on my forearm in my mid-20's, I knew he wasn’t going to make the cut.

As I explained in this post, major life experiences culminated in September 2003, resulting in my moving to Chicago, Illinois, and beginning a new chapter in my life. During the following year, a number of lessons started to gel in my head that would become guiding principles for me in the days to come. At their core, these lessons were about kindness. Beginning early in 2002 and continuing through the fall of 2003, as I grew in my determination to resolve the issues concerning my sexuality and my faith, I saw extremes both of kindness and unkindness. Sadly, much of the unkindness came from those with whom I often aligned in my faith, but gladly, I saw amazing kindness from those with whom I found common ground in my sexuality. While my pastor (whom I had previously considered to be a close friend) called around to “out” me to people he did not even know and told me he would pray for God to kill me, some of my new gay friends surrounded me with kindness and showed me unconditional acceptance at a time when I desperately needed friends. In particular, two or three of my friends in Chicago, all of whom are Asian incidentally (perhaps signs of an incipient rice queen tendency?), helped me make it through that very difficult time in my life.

So, in September of 2004, I decided to get a tattoo to represent and remind me of the lessons I had been learning and the principles to which I would hopefully adhere as I continued on my journey.

I wanted every aspect of the tattoo “experience” to be significant. First, the timing of getting the tattoo was almost exactly one year to the day from when I had come out to my immediate family. I selected a tattoo that included Chinese characters as a tribute to my Asian friends who had been such an amazing help to me. The characters are the word “kindness” which, translated literally (assuming I have been told correctly), is “good at heart.” In 2004, this became the goal to which I determined to be most dedicated--to be a kind person, someone who indeed strove to be good at heart. The tattoo was both a reminder to me of the hurt that can be caused by unkindness and of the help and hope that can be infused by a kind word or action.

In addition to the characters, I included a small rabbit. This was partially a continued tribute to my Asian friends, as I was born in the Chinese year of the rabbit. But also, the rabbit is a symbol of kindness in some Asian cultures, so it seemed to fit with the theme of the tattoo. The location of the tattoo is over my heart, to illustrate to others (and to remind myself) that kindness is something that I endeavor to keep close to my heart.

More than two years later now, I can say that the tattoo has accomplished a good purpose in my own life. Because of its location, I see it every day as I get dressed, and although it may not always be a conscious thought, it is at least a subconscious reminder to me that I should strive to be a kind person. And, although I know I fail more often than I care to admit, I have been encouraged to see that, many times, my natural reaction to a difficult situation (one in which many would tell me to react in anger or to write someone off), is an almost-instinctive urge to show kindness. I say this fully aware that I have far to go before I could consider myself to be a wholly-kind person. But I hope that someday, as I continue this journey, people will be able to look back at my life and see acts of kindness scattered along the way.

Well, stay tuned shortly for what will hopefully be the last part in this story that is beginning to make Tolstoy jealous for length.

Today's Holiday:

Travelers with Disabilities Week (Nov 26 - Dec 3)

National Survivors of Suicide Day

2006-11-18T09:00:00.000-06:00

As I have mentioned previously, on October 13, 2005, I was inducted into a rather exclusive club, one which I had no knowledge of before and which I had no desire to enter; yet membership was forced upon me. When I found my boyfriend dead by his own hand in our bedroom, I became a "suicide survivor."

This term has caused confusion at times, some people thinking a suicide survivor would be someone who made an unsuccessful attempt on his own life. But it actually refers to those who are left behind, the loved ones, relatives, friends who have to try to make sense of a supremely-senseless act.

Nearly a decade ago, thanks largely to the efforts of US Senator Harry Reid (D-Nevada), who lost his father to suicide, the Saturday before Thanksgiving each year has been designated by US Senate resolution as National Survivors of Suicide Day in the USA. It has become a powerful day of information, hope, and healing for people who have been thrust into an unimaginably-painful situation, one in which you find yourself grieving for the murderer of your loved one (I put it in such stark terms hopefully to illustrate the extremity of emotions a survivor must deal with, ranging from anger to grief to guilt to confusion).

I try to keep things from getting too heavy on this blog most of the time, but this is one area for which I am willing to dedicate time and space to discuss on occasion. For most of you, this has never struck close to home. But for many, it may touch someone you know, and I would encourage you to keep both this blog and other online resources in your mind, as you may be able to offer help and hope beyond what you can know to a future inductee into the "Suicide Survivors Club."

For further reading on this topic, see these previous Auto-Gratification posts.

Presidential Trivia Answers

2006-11-14T23:00:00.000-06:00

On Sunday, I presented at random quiz on trivia about US Presidents. In case you missed that post, here is the quiz reprinted:

Easy:
1. Who is the shortest US president?
2. Which presidential child has a candy bar named after him/her?
3. Who is the only US president also to serve on the US Supreme Court?
4. Which US president vomited on the lap of the Japanese prime minister during a state dinner?
5. Who is the last US president to have facial hair while in office?

Tougher:
6. Who are the only 2 US presidents to hold all of the five following offices: state governor, US congressman, US senator, Vice-President, and President?
7. Which 3 US presidents won Nobel Peace Prizes?
8. Who is the only US president whose wife was not born in the United States?
9. Which is the longest-married presidential couple?
10. Who is the only person buried directly between two US presidents?

Painfully Difficult:
11. What common English word very likely originated with President Martin Van Buren?
12. Who are the only two police officers to become president?
13. What is the only book ever written by one ex-president about another one?
14. Which president is buried at the top of a staircase in which the number of stairs is equal to the number of that president in a chronological listing of presidents? (i.e. - if it were George W. Bush, which it obviously is not, it would be a staircase with 43 stairs since he is the 43rd president.)
15. Who is the only US president to be elected on his birthday?

Scroll down for answers.

Answers:

1. James Madison, at 5 feet, 4 inches tall.
2. Ruth Cleveland, daughter of President Grover Cleveland. She was the first presidential child to be born in the White House, and she caused quite a sensation in Washington. And, in her honor, a new candy bar of the time was designated the "Baby Ruth" candy bar.
3. Former President William Howard Taft was appointed to be and served as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
4. George H.W. Bush.
5. Willia Howard Taft (had a moustache).

6. John Tyler and Andrew Johnson
7. Theodore Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, and Jimmy Carter.
8. John Quincy Adams. His wife Louisa was born in England.
9. George H.W. and Barbara Bush (January 6, 2007, will be their 62nd wedding anniversary).
10. Abigail Adams. She is buried in the crypt beneath the United First Parish Church of Quincy, Massachusetts between President John Adams (her husband) and President John Quincy Adams (her son).

11. "Okay". Van Buren was from Kinderhook, New York, and he obtained the nickname "Old Kinderhook." During his campaign for presidnet, "Old Kinderhook Clubs" were established and known as "O.K. Clubs." As time progressed, the abbreviation came to mean "all right" and eventually nearly everyone forgot the word's origin.
12. Theodore Roosevelt and Grover Cleveland
13. Herbert Hoover's book The Ordeal of Woodrow Wilson.
14. Theodore Roosevelt (buried in Young's Memorial Cemetery in Oyster Bay, New York, at the top of a 26-step staircase).
15. Warren Harding, on his 55th birthday, November 2, 1920.

Today's Holidays:

Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day
National American Teddy Bear Day
National Young Readers Day

Gerald Ford Becomes Longest-Living US President

2006-11-12T23:40:00.000-06:00

For 175 years, John Adams, the second US President, held the distinction of being the longest-living US President (he lived 90 years, 247 days). Then, just five years ago, Ronald Reagan broke the long-standing record and, by the time of his death in 2004, had established a new benchmark of 93 years, 120 days.

However, Gerald Ford, the only US president not elected as president or vice-president, was born just two years after Reagan, and today, November 12, 2006, he passed Reagan's record, now having lived for 93 years, 121 days (and counting). Ford is one of the most athletic presidents ever to serve, having been a football star at the University of Michigan while in office. No doubt his good habits and active lifestyle have contributed to his longevity. The four other living US Presidents have a long way to go to reach Ford's record, as Presidents George H.W. Bush and Jimmy Carter are both 82 years old, and Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush are both 60 years old.

Gerald Ford is also the only surviving member of the Warren Commission, the 7-member panel that investigated the assassination of US President John F. Kennedy.

I'm a huge fan of US Presidential history, so just for the heck of it, here's a little presidential trivia quiz for you. I will post the answers on Tuesday.

Easy:
1. Who is the shortest US president?
2. Which presidential child has a candy bar named after him/her?
3. Who is the only US president also to serve on the US Supreme Court?
4. Which US president vomited on the lap of the Japanese prime minister during a state dinner?
5. Who is the last US president to have facial hair while in office?

Tougher:
6. Who are the only 2 US presidents to hold all of the five following offices: state governor, US congressman, US senator, Vice-President, and President?
7. Which 3 US presidents won Nobel Peace Prizes?
8. Who is the only US president whose wife was not born in the United States?
9. Which is the longest-married presidential couple?
10. Who is the only person buried directly between two US presidents?

Painfully Difficult:
11. What common English word very likely originated with President Martin Van Buren?
12. Who are the only two police officers to become president?
13. What is the only book ever written by one ex-president about another one?
14. Which president is buried at the top of a staircase in which the number of stairs is equal to the number of that president in a chronological listing of presidents? (i.e. - if it were George W. Bush, which it obviously is not, it would be a staircase with 43 stairs since he is the 43rd president.)
15. Who is the only US president to be elected on his birthday?

Today's Holiday:

I Need a Patch For That Day

My Coming-Out Story, Part Three

2006-11-09T07:30:00.000-06:00

Note: If you have not already done so, be sure to read Part 1 and Part 2 of my coming-out story so this part will make sense a bit more.

My Coming-Out Story, Part Three: The 28-Year-Old Virgin

The fall of 1993 found me at a ~~compound~~ college campus in northern Wisconsin, about 30 minutes from Iron Mountain, Michigan (which had the closest McDonald's). I make the "compound" reference in good humor, because it was what many thought of the college I attended. What else would explain this large campus in the north woods in a town of about 1,000 people? You may wonder why I ended up at this school, so I shall give a bit of background.

My parents both attended Bob Jones University in Greenville, South Carolina. For those who may not be familiar with that school, it is the place where George W. Bush spoke during the 2000 election campaign which caused great controversy because of their policy prohibiting interracial dating (and what about someone who is from a multi-ethnic heritage? they had to state their preference for which ethnicity they wished to date upon arrival and stick with it through their schooling). It is also a campus that does not allow gay people to enter (with the exception of visiting their sacred art gallery, which is admittedly quite impressive).

When it came time for me to choose a college, my parents wanted me to attend BJU. I knew that there was no way I would attend that school, so I begged them for another option (since they were threatening to give me no support whatsoever if I went somewhere they did not approve). After much cajoling, I convinced them to allow me to attend the Baptist Bible College in northern Wisconsin. The president of the college and much of the faculty were Bob Jones graduates, but they seemed to have left some of the goofier extremes behind (i.e. - no interracial dating prohibition). Still, it was very very conservative and definitely not a place where a gay person would feel welcome.

This was not a problem for me, I thought. Because, as an idealistic college freshman, I was convinced that I would now be able to put these gay feelings behind me and live as the heterosexual I was supposed to be. With these grand intentions, I began to unpack my bags in my new room in the all-male dormitory with community showers.

Yes, it took about 2 minutes for me to realize this gay monster had followed me to college. I mean, you can say a lot about the Baptists, but they have some hot guys! Very quickly, I fell into the cycle of jerking off to thoughts of my dorm-mates and then feeling extremely guilty about it. By the time I reached my sophomore year, I was an emotional mess. Here I was with these intense emotions but terrified to tell anyone about them and convinced I was a horrible person for having them.

It was during my sophomore year that I began a journey that was incredibly difficult but, considering my background and years of mixed-up thinking, a very necessary journey. I will summarize this briefly, lest I make this far too long. On four separate occasions during my second through fourth years of college, I worked up the courage to ask someone for help with my "problem." Remember I was still thinking that I had done something wrong to have this attraction to other guys. I went to the Student Body Vice-President, my dormitory hall leader, the Dean of Men, and the Vice-President for Student Affairs, asking each of them for help. In each case, I was disappointed. The first one prayed a prayer for me and never spoke of it again. The second freaked out and told my boss, causing me to lose a campus job I loved. The third was kind but didn't really want to deal with it, so he quickly pronounced me "cured" and moved on. The last became so uncomfortable around me that he never spoke to me again my entire time at the school.

Now, perhaps here is where you will start to get irritated with me, and perhaps I should have caught on, but I graduated from college still trying to figure out what was wrong with me. In desperation, I decided to go to graduate school, and I earned a masters degree in theology. This was followed by my being ordained as a Baptist preacher and working as a missionary in Africa and Europe for nearly 3 years. I kept thinking that, if I did all the good things I could do, this one bad thing would eventually go away.

So I found myself working as a pastor in Europe, nine years after graduating from high school, never having touched a guy the entire time, but having these overwhelming urges and thoughts constantly. Finally, I hit bottom, or so I thought. I felt that, if I did not get this thing figured out, I could not go on any further. So, going to the head pastor of our church, I told him of my dark secret, hoping that perhaps he would show kindness where others had not. Instead, I was reported to the missionary agency through which I was working, fired that day, and told I would receive nothing further from them. So I was stuck in Europe with no job and no way to get home. With help from family, I finally made it home, where I was publicly rebuked in front of my entire home church. I moved to a new town and attended a new church, but when the pastor there found out I was attracted to men, he told me he would pray that God would kill me and had me kicked out of that church as well.

You might be surprised, after hearing all this, that I am not a church-hating, anti-religious gay man. At some point, I will write about my reasons why I do not hold a grudge against those who treated me wrongly and why I still consider myself to be a person of faith. But I will admit, by the point I was kicked out of that church, I had arrived at a place where I wanted nothing to do with church or anyone related to it.

However, during this turbulent time, something else was happening that turned out to be beautiful and life-saving for me. That, as well as my recounting of coming out to my family, will be in the next part of my ever-expanding, yet always-intriguing coming-out story.

Side Note of Interest: Baptists believe that it is God who ordains someone as a preacher (a calling that is for life) while the church merely recognizes that calling. Thus, I am technically still an ordained Baptist preacher, since, if they are consistent in their theology, those churches would have to admit they have no authority to revoke the ordination. So I can still perform marriage ceremonies and the like. Somehow I don't think I will be invited as a guest speaker at my college's chapel services anytime soon, though.

Today's Holidays:

World Kindness Week (Nov 7-13)
National Animal Shelter Appreciation Week (Nov 7-13, US)
Pursuit of Happiness Week (Nov 8-14)
Kristallnacht Memorial (9-10)
Vietnam Veterans Memorial Day (US)
Return Day

Enhancing my Geek Credentials

2006-11-06T08:12:00.000-06:00

So I spent all weekend re-designing the look of my blog. I have to grudgingly admit that, in spite of their abysmal past performance, Blogger has done some very nice things in the beta version of their next blogging system release (which I am now using for this blog). I will probably continue to tweak things here and there, but I hope you like the new look. At least it will be pretty to look at if I spend all my time making cosmetic changes to the blog but am too lazy to add new content. (Note: Stay tuned shortly for part 3 of the ever-compelling saga of my coming-out story).

Today's Holidays:

International Day for Preventing the Exploitation of the Environment in War and Armed Conflict

A Plea for Patience

2006-11-03T03:25:00.000-06:00

Depending on when you look at this blog over the next few days, it will be either obvious or painfully obvious that I am doing some major work on the layout & design of the blog. I'm trying a few ambitious things that stretch my knowledge of HTML and CSS, and sometimes Blogger's helpful interface just ends up getting in the way. Anyway, my original template is saved safe and sound, so nothing is un-fixable, but just be patient with me as I work on this in my spare time. I am hopeful that the end result will be something very sharp-looking.

Today's Holidays:

Cliché Day (Great, we need this holiday like we need a hole in the head)

Shifting Gears

2006-11-02T07:01:00.000-06:00

If you are a regular reader of this blog and happened to miss yesterday's post titled "Fresh Sheets", be sure to take a look at it! Thanks!

My Coming-Out Story, Part Two

2006-11-02T07:00:00.000-06:00

My Coming-Out Story, Part Two: Sorta Like a Lesbian Pollyanna

Note: If you have not yet read Part One of my coming out story, I would highly suggest you do so (by clicking here) before continuing. Otherwise, this part will make even less sense than it will for those who have read the first part.

A quick reiteration from the first part of this story.... Lest I appear to have an over-inflated view of the significance of my own coming-out story (since I am dividing it up over the course of four posts and going into extensive background information), allow me to restate that this is the first time I have ever written out my story in a disciplined manner, so I am doing this for my own posterity and will include this in my personal journal. I do hope that you will find it to be entertaining, though, as I share some unique experiences I had.

Part one ended with my ultra-conservative Baptist Republican parents determining that Los Angeles was the Gomorrah to San Francisco's Sodom and deciding to pluck my brother and me from the fire (they didn't notice we were already flaming) and move us to the wholesome, values-driven Midwest.

The way they went about telling us brothers that we were moving from everyone and everything we had known since birth and going to a place where snow fell from the sky was classic. During spring break in 1988, we flew to Chicago to visit some friends who had moved to the northwest suburbs the year before. At least this was the cover story. One day, while my brother and I thought our parents were driving us to lunch, we instead pulled up to a newly-completed house. This, our parents said, was our new home. I kid you not. That was the first inkling we had that we were leaving California. Within a week of our return to California after our "vacation," my dad had flown to Chicago to start a new job, and when school was done a couple months later, the rest of us joined him.

My parents said that the move was to protect us boys from the bad influences of California. Ironically, about a month after we moved to the suburbs of Chicago, I saw a pornographic magazine for the first time. It was a Playgirl magazine, and someone had put it behind the MAD Magazine that I had intended to read. Now, by this time I was in high school and was self-aware enough to realize I felt emotional connections to guys and attraction toward them, but I had never really seen guys naked before. If this sounds unbelievable, remember the first part of my story, that my entire life was centered around the church. The church school I attended frowned upon guys seeing each other unclothed, even in locker rooms, so the few times I saw another guy naked were so fleeting that it didn't register. So, looking at that Playgirl, something clicked in my head that finally made sense. The feelings I felt around guys were physical. And if the mental connection wasn't enough, my body made it very clear, requiring me to quickly hide the porn and buy the MAD Magazine to use as a shield in front of my pants.

Shortly after this, I asked one of my new Chicago friends (who I thought was quite cute) if he had seen guys naked. Turns out that Chicago church people haven't become quite as paranoid, because when I started attending my new church school that fall, I found what my friend told me to be true, that community showering was the norm after Phys Ed class. So there I am, not only just beginning to be aware that I am gay, but also never before having ever been around naked guys, when suddenly my entire class is naked in front of me after getting all hot and sweaty on the soccer field. I thought I would die (and didn't care where I would go). It took almost a month before I could walk into the shower room without a large washcloth strategically placed until I could stand under the coldest water I could tolerate.

Well, the conversation with my cute friend must have caught his attention, because not long later he brought up the subject again. I was so overwhelmed with what was happening, that I honestly do not remember exactly how things developed, but I do know that he and I ended up touching and groping until I came with a guy for the first time. That began ongoing encounters that lasted for nearly 4 years til I graduated from high school. Both of us were so sheltered that we did not know there was even anything to do beyond jerking each other off, but we knew we liked that a lot and did it at every opportunity.

This created a problem. Suddenly, I found myself on the express train to hell. Every time I sneaked away with my friend, I was certain I would drop dead within moments. After all, I was committing the worst possible sin, being gay. I knew there was something horribly wrong with me, but I didn't know what I had done to be this bad of a person. I would daily lie flat on my stomach with my arms outstretched begging for forgiveness and for God to fix me.

If it seems that the answer should have been obvious to me, that I wasn't a person whose evil character brought this judgment of homosexuality upon myself, keep in mind again how sheltered my life had been to that point. All of my life-forming influences had been from my church and parents. My TV-watching was strictly limited, consisting essentially of Little House on the Prairie and Captain Kangaroo. But I had never been confronted before with anything that would make me doubt those influences in my life. After all, the vast majority of what my church and parents taught me was essentially good stuff. It is a worldview that, while sadly blind in certain spots, is overall not a bad system. I was taught respect for others, kindness, honesty, playing fair, being willing to sacrifice my own comfort for the good of others--all things that I try to honor to this day. My parents demonstrated a love for each other that I hope to emulate in any relationship I have--a love that messed up on occasion but admitted fault, asked for forgiveness, and above all, stayed together. Obviously I see the glaring blind spots now, but as a high schooler, all I saw was that my life had been pretty decent compared to others I saw who didn't follow the rules and guidelines I was given.

So I thought the "gay" problem was with me. But, as I finished high school, I thought that going to a Christian college would help me figure out the problem. Surely, this was just a temporary thing, and now that I was going into college, I would find a nice girl who I would be attracted to, and we would have the same perfect life my parents seemed to have. I said goodbye to my jerk-off buddy on graduation day, and I never saw him again. The next fall, I left for school with a determination that I would never do such a thing with a guy again. And, for 10 years, I never did.

But that will be explained in Part Three of my coming-out story. Click here to read.

Today's Holidays:

National Traffic Directors' Day (USA)
Plan Your Epitaph Day
National Men Make Dinner Day (USA)

Fresh Sheets

2006-11-01T18:40:00.000-06:00

I have thought about this blog considerably in recent days. Since I began my second blog early in August, this, my original blog, has sorta become the neglected stepsister. The great reception many kindly gave my other blog was good motivation for me to give it a lot of attention, to the detriment of Auto-Gratification.

But, my reason for blogging in the first place was not to build up my ego through the praise of strangers; rather, I wanted a forum in which I would be "forced" to discipline myself to be creative and to write on a regular basis. One of my major life goals is to become a published author, but the writing opportunities of my current marketing job (in which I work on the management side of the company rather than the creative side) consist primarily of responding to e-mails about problems with grocery store displays. Not particularly inspiring stuff.

Yet, as things have developed, this blog has become more of a photo collection than a space for me to write, and I find the pictures controlling the writing far too often. Additionally, it just is a very time-consuming process to come up with pictures to post regularly that are not over-used or copyrighted (the latter, of course, being almost impossible to know much of the time). Trying to do that with two blogs has stretched me far beyond the time resources I have available.

So, today I'm putting fresh sheets on this bed. From now on, I may include photos of hot guys when the occasion warrants; certainly, I will try to include something graphical each post to spice things up and keep it interesting. But the focus of this blog is going to return to its original intent: to give me a place to write and interact with others on ideas, to entertain if I am able, and hopefully to give you, my readers, a place to take a break in your day and find something worth reading.

My Asian blog fills a niche that is not found many places on the web; but pictures of guys of other ethnicities are found everywhere. If you're afraid you might miss my pictures, check out the blogs on my links list. I am hoping to update that soon, and I will try to keep it current with plenty of suggestions for you. But I hope you will find this blog to have actual content beyond the eye candy--content that, I trust, will be worth your while to read.

Come back tomorrow for the (far-too-long-delayed) second part of my already-started coming-out story! If you have not done so before, check out the first part for an example of what I hope this blog will contain on a regular basis (minus so many pictures).

Today's Holidays:

All Saints' Day
National Author's Day (US)
National Family Literacy Day (US)

Just Like Clockwork

2006-10-29T23:16:00.000-06:00

I should have seen it coming. All the signs were evident if I had been paying attention.

It's October. Bad things happen to me in October.

Due to unresolvable computer problems, I had to do a complete reformatting/reinstall of my computer this week, resulting in what would be a minimum of 2 days of little real work being accomplished.

The owner of my company called at the start of the week and said he would be in town later in the week and wanted to meet with me (I see him maybe once or twice a year, so these meetings are significant, plus, hey, he's the owner! Not someone to get on his bad side).

Several things happened this week in my job that generally happen maybe a couple times a year, but this week several happened all at once.

So, if I had been paying attention, I would have known that I would wake up in the middle of the week feeling like I had been hit by a truck. Yes, the annual Chicago flu bug has arrived, and I once again volunteered to be part of the official welcoming committee.

Today is about the first time I could even sit up in bed for any length of time, though I still feel like crap. But, thanks to wireless internet, I can bring my laptop here into my bedroom and still let you all enjoy pictures of hot guys.

I hope you will forgive the fact that, since I am operating on limited mental energy, there is absolutely no attempt with today's pictures to follow any theme or topic. And, for those who are readers of my other blog, OYGA, apologies for the obvious post repetition. Don't worry, though, I am sure I will be back to my typically witty and erudite self soon. Meantime, here's some guys who are hotties, regardless of the randomness.

Thanks in advance for all the kind expressions of sympathy and offers of sexual favors that I am certain many of you will give when you read this post ;-).

Today's Holidays:

Internet Day
Reformation Sunday (yes, ironic they are the same day)

(PRODUCT)RED™

2006-10-24T16:25:00.000-05:00

Ever since I heard about the ONE Campaign several years ago (a wonderful cause, click above to read about it), I have grown in my admiration of U2 rock star Bono, who is the driving force behind that effort. At first, as my cynical side kicked in, I viewed him with some level of skepticism, thinking he was one of these celebrities who thought more of himself than he ought. But an interview I heard him give once caught my attention, when I heard him say the following (I'm paraphrasing, but this is pretty close):

"Celebrity is a funny thing. It completely up-ends the natural order of things. Why should an actor or a singer be more honored than a mother or a fireman? But, the reality is that I have this thing called celebrity, and it is a currency. I just choose to use my currency on something that will make a difference."

In addition to a good motive, Bono does something that many do not, and that is he strategizes. Rather than just throwing money at something to appease his conscience and win accolades, he meets with and plans with leading thinkers and strategists concerning how to fight against global poverty and AIDS in Africa. That is how the One Campaign started, and that has been successful in bringing together people as far from each other as George Clooney and Pat Robertson to fight for something that goes so far beyond their individual differences.

And it is this strategizing that led to the recent launch of (PRODUCT)^RED, a powerful, sustainable effort to raise money to provide anti-retroviral medicine to those suffering from AIDS in Africa. Rather than my going into great detail here, visit their website (www.joinred.com), particularly noting the Manifesto, which explains the mission statement of the organization. And see the Global Fund link for more information about how the money is used. They also maintain an excellent blog telling about the efforts and activities around the world.

Now, as I shift to the reason you are likely at my blog in the first place, let me just note that (PRODUCT)^RED clearly knows the gay community is a key demographic to target, because the cause is something we are more aware about than the average person and because we love to shop! So, they have found various celebrities to pose for ads for the campaign, including the handsome Don Cheadle (I want to see the rest of this picture series!) and hot speed-skating champion Apolo Ohno (speechless...).

Also, as you are looking around to see how you can help fight for the needs of those in Africa, you can still enjoy looking at the Gap models showing off their clothing line...

Oh, and this has absolutely nothing to do with the red stuff, but I love this picture of Apolo Ohno....

So check out the (PRODUCT)^RED campaign. I know there are tons of "causes" clamoring for our attention, and I know many of them are worthwhile. But perhaps one or two of you who read this might be motivated to be involved in this good effort. I lived in Africa for a while, so I have seen the devastation this disease causes firsthand. And Bono has done something few before him have even come close to accomplishing in raising the world's awareness of the plight of people who (in his words), due to "an accident of longitude and latitude" are dying in silence and will continue to do so unless those of us living much more privileged lives are willing to get off our butts and do something about it.

Today's Holidays:

World Development Information Day

A Completely Inappropriate Observation

2006-10-17T14:50:00.000-05:00

Gerry Studds, the first-ever openly gay US congressman, died this past Saturday. The timing was certainly ironic considering his name has been in the news lately in relationship to the scandal surrounding former Representative Mark Foley. Both congressmen were involved in controversy regarding their involvement with young men in the Congressional page program.

But, if I may be allowed a moment of inappropriate levity and revert to the adolescent sense of humor that lurks not far beneath the surface of my seemingly-mature deportment...

Does it seem somewhat humorous that the first-ever openly gay congressman has the last name "Studds"? And more, does it strike anyone else as morbidly hilarious that the first-ever openly gay congressman died at age 69?

I thought so.

On the other hand, when I was reading Studds' obituary on the New York Times website, it struck me that, in my experience, this is the first time I have ever read an obituary (particularly in a major newspaper) in the US in which a gay man's partner is referred to as his "husband." Studds and his partner Dean Hara were married in 2004 in Massachusetts, being among the first in that state to be wed after gay marriage was legalized there.

Today's Holidays:

International Day for the Irradication of Poverty
Mulligan Day

Running with Scissors: The Movie (Sneak Preview Report)

2006-10-16T00:05:00.000-05:00

Last year, a friend of mine recommended to me a book by Augusten Burroughs, an author I had not heard of before. The book was called Running with Scissors (pictured below).

Prior to that point, I had associated the title Running with Scissors only with the Weird Al Yankovic album of the same name (a classic....New Mexico will never be the same). However, it was not long into the book before I was totally hooked into this bizarre childhood story. It was somewhat like the fascination that keeps your gaze fixed on a traffic accident, only funnier. In case you are not familiar with the book, it is the personal memoir of Burroughs' thoroughly-twisted childhood, in which he is abandoned by his alcoholic father, given up for adoption by his insane mother to her manipulative and equally-insane psychiatrist, and seduced into a years-long relationship with a schizophrenic man more than twice his age. Beyond that, it is the literary equivalent of Blue Man Group--you just need to read it rather than listen to someone try to explain it. After completing Scissors, I read another of Burroughs' works, Dry, also an excellent book and which I wrote about previously on this blog.

So, I have been excited for quite some time about the upcoming adaptation of Running with Scissors on the big screen (opening day this Friday, October 20). And my excitement grew as I read the superb cast list, including Annette Bening, Alec Baldwin, Joseph Fiennes, and Kristen Chenoweth. Consequently, when I was online last Thursday checking the theater I usually go to and saw that they were having a single showing of the movie that very night, 8 days before its scheduled release, I was very excited. I bought two tickets and went with a friend to see what was the reason for the sneak preview. It seemed too close to the opening to be marketing research, but I wasn't going to complain regardless.

As it turned out, the movie was being shown for the benefit of students at the campus of nearby Northwestern University, as an attempt by the studio to generate early word-of-mouth buzz for next week's release. And, as an added bonus, the very handsome 20-year-old star of the movie, Joseph Cross, was in attendance for a question and answer time after the movie.

Throughout the movie, I knew I had seen Cross somewhere before, but I could not place it until I came home and looked him up online and remembered he had played a friend of Clark Kent on an episode of Smallville (pictures after the jump below). Apparently, he is being noticed more and more, because he also appears in the upcoming Clint Eastwood-directed World War II movie Flags of our Fathers.

Well, I was very pleased with the movie, though it was not what I expected. Burroughs' writing style is so engaging and funny that it is easy to forget (while reading the book) the very sad undercurrent that runs through the unbelievable family life he experienced growing up. But, when put on the screen, those sad things had to be dealt with. So it was much more dramatic than I anticipated, though the comedy is certainly still there. It was also surprisingly touching, particularly in the relationship between Augusten and the psychiatrist's beleaguered wife Agnes. The interchanges between those two, combined with a likely Oscar-nomination-bound performance by Annette Bening as Augusten's mother, make the movie well worth watching, and I recommend it to anyone considering seeing it.

Click below to see pictures of Joseph Cross on Smallville and various other hot guys with no connection to this post whatsoever:

Today's Holidays:

World Food Day
National Boss's Day

A Day of Special Memories

2006-10-13T17:00:00.000-05:00

Today I am going to take a day off from posting pictures of hot guys, though this post contains the photo of one of the beautiful ones who has impacted my life. One year ago today, on October 13, 2005, my boyfriend Alfred, one of the most loving and gentle people I have ever known, took his own life in a moment of deep despair. I wrote about his passing a while back on this blog, and you can read that post by clicking on his picture above.

The year that has passed since last October 13 seems like a lifetime...or perhaps a few days. As one of my blogging friends expressed recently, sometimes loss can make you feel that something as frivolous as pictures of hot guys is silly or even inappropriate, and it's true I have days when I just don't feel like doing anything except feel bad (though thankfully those are becoming less and less frequent).

But I am learning to look at loss from a different angle. Of course I miss Alfred, and of course today is a melancholy day for me. But it is a day in which I remember his amazingly full adventuresome life. I focus on his wonderful 36 years in which he infused his enthusiasm and love into the lives of so many he touched, rather than focusing on the few days surrounding his untimely death.

When someone passes, it is traditional to give gifts to those closest to him. But when we lose someone in death, we receive gifts that last far longer than the flowers and cards of sympathy. I have received the gift of appreciating the amazing network of love and support of family and friends that was always surrounding me but which I had never noticed until tragedy struck. I have been given the gift of gaining a new perspective on the importance of grabbing life for all it is worth and never looking back with regret. And I have been blessed with an experience that, although the pain has been unimaginable at times, has changed me at my very core so that now, as I am emerging from the darkest depths and find that I am still able to breathe, I will be able to help others in a way I never could have before. When I say to someone who has experienced deep loss, "I understand," it will carry new weight. And I trust that I will be able to share hope when I find someone who is in that dark place where Alfred was and perhaps even help someone to see that suicide is always a permanent answer to a temporary problem.

Suicide affects millions of people every year. In America, every 18 minutes someone dies by suicide. And it affects the gay community at a higher rate than the rest of the population. This is something each of us should think about. For those in America, a great place to educate yourself concerning this problem is the website for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. For those friends in other parts of the world, many countries have similar organizations that I'm sure you can find by doing a Google search. It's a worthwhile investment of your time and thought, I promise.

So, thanks to everyone for bearing with me as I share a personal moment. I hope it will not be a downer to you but rather perhaps it will encourage you to hug your loved ones a little tighter, to write that letter to diffuse the anger in a tense friendship, or to call the person you know who needs a simple word of kindness. Don't live today in a way that will produce regret tomorrow!

National Coming-Out Day

2006-10-11T14:30:00.000-05:00

We here in America have a bit of an obsession with creating special observance days for just about everything you can imagine. These observances can range from the significant (yesterday was World Mental Health Day) to the humorous (Monday was National Kick Butt Day) to the bizarre (this coming Saturday is Be Bald and Free Day). Today is a day of several notable observances. For example, today is Emergency Nurses Day, so be sure to thank a nurse you know. Today is also the International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction, but the parade was canceled due to unexpected meteor showers. Finally, as I am sure many of you know, today is also National Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work and School Day (seriously...I promise I'm not making this stuff up!).

But probably most significantly to me and many of the readers of this blog, today is National Coming Out Day. So, since I've already come out, and since I have never taken the time to write this out before, I figured I would begin to share my own coming-out story. I think it is probably unique enough to provide a bit of entertainment, for though I was smart enough not to come out to my parents while one of them was driving the car, the circumstances were yet far from ideal.

Now, I understand that blog posts ought not be too long, but I do want to take the time to write out the story thoroughly, so this will be the first of a few installments of my story that I will post in the next few weeks. Perhaps that will make the story more "bite-size" and thus possibly people will even read it! So, fasten your seatbelts, and prepare to be mildly amused.

My Coming-Out Story, Part One: Not Yet Old Enough to be a Congressional Page

Imagine a family whose roots are all from the South as far back as we can trace. Then add the fact that 3 of my 4 grandparents and my step-grandfather all served in the military during World War II. Finally, note that while I was growing up, my family attended (at least 3 times a week) a self-proclaimed "fundamental independent Baptist" church (1611 King James Bible-Only, naturally). By now, you have probably drawn the conclusion that my family was pretty much the Cleavers of the red states (is it mere coincidence that my mother's name is Donna Reed? I think not!). About the only time I ever saw my dad more upset than when I came out to him was when I said I thought Bill Clinton was a good president.

Yet somehow, this family that bled Republican red ended up in a very blue state, and that is why I was born in Los Angeles, California. From nine months before my birth, I was in church constantly. The church we attended, while not quite to the point of referring to their property as a "compound," did have a locked fence surrounding the entire grounds. It was in this nurturing environment that I began to learn how things were "supposed to be" in the world.

Now, it may be difficult for some of you to relate to my experience growing up. While being slightly facetious about the "compound" reference earlier, the church I attended did indeed share some characteristics of such a place. Though it would be a stretch to call it a cult, some things that happened there were borderline cult-ish. For example, nearly every aspect of my life (be it education, religion, social, or political) was centered around our church. I attended the church school (where my mother was a high school teacher), so my schoolmates were primarily from the church, and all our classes were infused with the church's view of the world. Even my friends in my neighborhood were mostly kids from my church who lived nearby. We watched very little television, NEVER attended movies in a theater (gasp! for shame!), and generally had very little to confront us with anything other than what we heard from our pastor at church (helpful things, like denim was evil, music with drums in it was from the devil, and everyone who did not use the King James Bible like we did was going to hell).

To give you an idea of how sheltered I was, I had absolutely zero awareness of the existence of sex until my dad sat me down and had the classic "birds and bees" talk with me when I was 12 years old. I did not even know at that point that girls and boys had different equipment (my only sibling was my younger brother). The only reason I found out then was because my penis had started to get hard on occasion, but I was so completely un-self-conscious that I didn't notice, and it was causing some embarrassment for my parents. So my dad figured it was time for "the talk."

So, especially as a younger child and into my teen years, because I was so isolated from the reality of the world, I had no reason whatsoever to question what I was being taught (because nobody and nothing in my life contradicted it). Thus, I accepted as truth what my church said concerning homosexuality. As my pastor explained, homosexuality is caused by one of two things (again, I promise I'm not making this stuff up!)....

The first way a man becomes a homosexual is by being sexually molested as a child. This may cause him to become gay when he was not before.
The second way a man becomes a homosexual is through prolonged exposure to pornography. You see, the first time a guy looks at straight porn, it is very exciting for him. However, over time, he needs more and more variety and extremes to arouse him. Eventually, women just don't do it for him anymore, and his only option is to look at pictures of men. And thus he becomes gay.

Confusing to me at the time, this teaching revealed to me the first-ever crack in my pseudo-idyllic existence. I was never molested and I had never seen pornography of any kind, but as early as the third grade at age 9, I felt an attraction to other boys that I did not feel toward girls. It was nothing sexual at that point, for I was still three years away from even knowing what sex was and several years away from comprehending that gay guys put it where????? But I knew that my best friend Marc was someone I felt good being around, in a different way than others. Looking back, in spite of the warped circumstances, I can kinda smile at the innocence of those incipient attractions I was experiencing.

Well, my parents, ever vigilant against things that might corrupt their sons, soon became concerned that the warm weather of southern California would force us to gaze upon the muscular torsos of young, blond surfers guys, with their perfectly-shaped biceps and their ripped, six-pack abs cascading down to the little trail of hair that vanished beneath their swimming trunks, drawing our attention to the beautifully-shaped bulge beneath their.....oh, sorry, got distracted for a moment....

Anyway, the best way to avoid naked people is to move somewhere cold, and thus the decision was made by my father (and submitted to by my mother, as was her place according to our church) that we would move to the suburbs of Chicago, Illinois.

And that part of the story, my friends, will be told in Part Two. Click here to read.

And finally, for those who just came here for the pictures....

Potty Mouth, Part 2

2006-10-04T16:21:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, I posted a very important message about proper behavior when in public restroom facilities. It was a very timely post brought about by the keen insight of my friend Chargenda on his reknowned blog.

Shortly after I submitted my thoughts on the matter, a good friend was thoughtful enough to share with me the following video, which I believe all men will agree provides essential, socially-vital instruction that all should obey with strict adherance. Please take the time to watch it. Your life and the lives of those you love could very well depend on it.

Then, after the video, here's something else pleasant to look at....

Am I a Geek or Is the Rest of the World Stupid?

2006-10-01T14:33:00.000-05:00

My mother was a high school English teacher for 30 years. Consequently, I have had (currently) 31 years of English grammar education, free of charge, whether I asked for it or not. I write that somewhat facetiously, because I truly am grateful for a mother who had the knowledge and dedication to help me learn to express myself clearly and accurately.

Now that I am on my own, my mother and I enjoy calling each other when we notice errors of language in the public arena. And it is amazing to me some of the simple and humorous mistakes we have noted along the way, from network news shows to nationwide magazines. Many of these are forgiveable, particularly on live shows where a slip of the tongue could easily happen.

But when I saw the poster above for the upcoming movie Apocalypto by Mel Gibson, I was completely shocked. The tag line at the bottom of the poster reads "NO ONE CAN OUTRUN THEIR DESTINY."

Now, I realize that not everyone shares my dedication to precision in grammar, but hopefully many of you immediately felt something akin to nails scraping on a chalkboard when you read that. It is about as blatant as you can get in the realm of pronoun-antecedant disagreement (because the singular "NO ONE" as the antecedant of a pronoun cannot relate to the plural "THEIR"). Written correctly, it would say something such as, "NO ONE CAN OUTRUN HIS DESTINY" or, if one is overly-sensitive about potential sexist language, "NO ONE CAN OUTRUN HIS OR HER DESTINY."

For an error that obvious to make it onto a poster for a major movie, I have to wonder if Hollywood is hard up for editors. If so, please give them my e-mail address, and I will be happy to apply for the job. They certainly could afford to pay me more than my current job, right?

Ok, I'm climbing down off my soapbox now. Click below to enjoy some light-hearted moments....

Potty Mouth

2006-09-26T00:19:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, my friend Chargenda submitted a post complaining about those people who will talk to you while you are standing at a urinal peeing. I share his aversion to such conversation, although I would make one exception that he did not mention. I would allow speaking to occur if two conditions are both satisfied:

The guy standing next to me and speaking is hot.
His sentence is, "When you are done there, would you like me to blow you?"

Apart from this situation, though, silence must and shall be maintained at all times.

Well, Chargenda's comments reminded me of an ad that I saw recently, so I hunted it down and share it with you now:

It is an ad for a wristwatch, and the caption reads, "You'd like to have the same one." Classic!

I'm Generally a Very Mild-Mannered Guy, But....

2006-09-23T23:54:00.000-05:00

....this picture pretty much sums up my sentiments toward Blogger.com.

Actually, they don't even deserve such a cutie as that. Today is day 8 of my not being able to post to my other blog, Once You Go Asian, due to Blogger's stupid spam robots who, as I mentioned in my last post, thought it was a spam blog, and in spite of the fact that they promised to review and unlock it in less than a business day. So, you can imagine my excitement when, a short time ago, I finally received the following e-mail (click to enlarge):

Yay! My blog is unlocked! ....I say to myself. So, I do as they ask: I go to Blogger.com, sign out, sign back in, attempt to post, and (click to enlarge).....

.....I'm still locked out. I then proceeded to sign out again, shut down my computer entirely, restart, and yet it still refuses to allow me to publish! Morons.

So, I decided tonight I will share with you photos of the place where Blogger.com's support apparently keep their collective head.....

Blogger.com = Exasperation

2006-09-20T16:00:00.000-05:00

Many of you who read this blog also are regular visitors to my other blog, Once You Go Asian. And by now, I suspect you are thinking that that blog is yet another of countless blogs that are started by some gung-ho person who puts out a flurry of posts but then burns out after his attention is diverted by the next new, cool tech-y thing that comes along. How many blogs have we all seen with 2 or 3 months of posts then one or two a month for a couple months til it finally just sputters out?

Well, please know this is not the case with Once You Go Asian!!! Rather, it seems there is a conspiracy afoot to keep me from being able to post to my other blog. It started simply enough with my vacation to Cancun a couple weeks ago. I was hoping to be able to post from Cancun, but my hotel did not have internet access, and thus I was unable to post during that trip.

When I returned from the trip, I submitted a post on Monday, September 11. However, almost immediately after submitting, I went to check something on the blog, and when I typed in the address, the following page came up instead of my blog (click to enlarge):

Somehow, someone managed to take over my site address and redirect people to their site. I don't know why they would care enough about my site to do that, but such was the case. I did not know how to fix it, but finally by Tuesday night, I had figured out a solution, and the blog was back up (but not before I received several panicked e-mails from readers who thought I had taken the blog down. I can only imagine how many people just removed my blog from their lists without asking what had happened).

All was well for Wednesday and Thursday's posts, but then on Friday, as I attempted to post, I received the following message from Blogger (click to enlarge):

Apparently, my blog is so generic and non-specialized [uh, right], that it has appeared to Blogger's spam robots to be a spam blog. Naturally, I immediately submitted the request for them to unlock the blog, trusting their promise that they would "take a look at your blog and unlock it in less than a business day." Today is now the 5th day since they locked it, and they still have not unlocked my blog or even acknowledged any of my multiple requests and e-mails. I'm about at a loss for what to do, as they don't make it at all easy to contact a real person at Blogger.

I'm tempted to move my blog to another hosting site, but I can't even publish anything on Once You Go Asian to let people know where I would be moving! So, if any of my readers happens to be a Blogger.com employee, could you PLEASE unlock my other blog?

Well, to hold over my Asian-o-phile readers until Blogger gets their act together, click below to reveal some beauties for your viewing pleasure....

How I Feel About You

2006-09-16T10:36:00.000-05:00

Just want you all to know how I feel about you!

Do you wish these guys like you?....

RIP: Pillsbury Doughboy

2006-09-13T00:25:00.000-05:00

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

(This wasn't original with me, but it is one of the few forwarded e-mails that has actually made me chuckle, so I thought I would share it here.)

There's something hot cookin' in this kitchen....

Rested, Relaxed, and Refreshed

2006-09-11T20:49:00.000-05:00

In case anyone out there is slightly alarmed that my blogs have fizzled out, allow me to put your mind at ease. I have just returned from a much-needed vacation in Cancun, Mexico, thus my lack of posting during the past number of days. However, I'm back now, fresh and ready to go. My posting might be a bit sporadic over the next couple days as I get back into my routine, but I am eager to continue working on these blogs and, hopefully, making them places that you will be glad to visit frequently!

But now, as tribute to the beautiful beaches of the Caribbean....

Well, I'll Be...

2006-08-30T01:00:00.000-05:00

I guess that pretty much says it all.

Randomly intriguing scantily-clad masculine creatures...

Cancun!

2006-08-25T08:30:00.000-05:00

I am ashamed to admit this, but it has been slightly more than four years since the last time I traveled internationally. This may not seem to be particularly earth-shattering to many, but I am going through severe travel withdrawal. In contrast, during the six years prior to my last trip, I flew to Europe five times and to Africa three times. So, as you can imagine, it has taken some effort for me to be content with my current life circumstances that have prevented me from traveling as often as I would like.

Well, I've had enough with being patient, so in September, I have decided to head to Cancun for a few days of much-needed vacation, away from a job that has become so stressful that it is no longer any fun. So, have any of you out there been to Cancun? Do you have any suggestions for me? Must see places? Great local cuisine? Pitfalls to avoid? Best places to see scantily-clad muscular latino men? I would appreciate any feedback that could help me have a more, um.... "meaningful" experience! Thus far, I am tentatively planning to visit Chichen Itza, Congo Bongo, and Senor Frogs. Other than that, my plans are wide open. I can't wait!

And, in gratitude for your wise travel counsel and in celebration of gorgeous latino men everywhere, here are the pictures for today....

It's My Birthday on Mercury!

2006-08-21T08:00:00.000-05:00

Something that those who want to colonize other planets in our solar system have not, in my opinion, taken into proper consideration is the difficulties that would arise in keeping track of dates. Since each of the planets moves at different speeds and with different paths around the sun, and since each planet rotates at its own pace, the days and years are different on each planet. For instance, the legal drinking age on Venus would be 34 years old, while 11 year olds on Mars could booze it up legally. Jupiter residents would be over the hill before their fourth birthday. And on Mercury, you would be 74 years old before you graduate from high school.

On the one hand, this would be great, because it would totally screw Hallmark and all their stupid revenue-enhancing self-created societally-imposed throw-away holidays. But on the other hand, imagine the trouble men would get into for forgetting their anniversaries! By the way, I had better receive plenty of birthday wishes today, because today is my 129th birthday on Mercury! (Sadly, I won't reach my first birthday on Pluto until March 2, 2224.)

To find out your age on Saturn or your birthday on Neptune, visit this fun site.

Now, to see some guys who are out of this world....

Announcing the Launch of My New Blog!

2006-08-17T00:02:00.000-05:00

http://onceyougoasian.blogspot.com

One of the great follies of the world is the lack of appreciation among many for the beauty of Asian men. Look around the internet for a while, and you will find a never-ending supply of white Abercrombie-type models. But those who appreciate male beauty limit themselves and are themselves the losers if they fail to examine and appreciate the beauties of other ethnicities. Sadly, relatively few sites exist comparatively highlighting non-Caucasian males, and in particular it seems there is a dearth of sites recognizing the beauty of Asian men.

So, today I am taking a step towards remedying this situation by officially launching a sister blog to this site called "Once You Go Asian...." This new blog is intended to contribute to remedying the aforementioned problem by showcasing Asian men and illustrating the beauty that is so often missed by those who make foolish statements like "All Asians look the same." It will be primarily a photo blog, but I will also write comments related to Asian men and gay life as it relates to them.

So check out the new blog by clicking here.

But first, click here to see more examples of what you can expect to see on my new blog....

There's plenty more like this at Once You Go Asian....

What I've Been Watching

2006-08-16T00:18:00.000-05:00

When I first began this blog and had no idea what to blog about, I would post a review of each movie I saw at the theater. However, after a while I found I was allowing this to be a substitute for creativity, even though my superb taste in entertainment and finely-honed observational skills no doubt made the reviews inestimably valuable to my vast readership. So, in order to assist my efforts in creativity, I set a self-imposed temporary moratorium on movie review posts. However, realizing that no doubt my reviews have been keenly missed and that I missed a couple movies along the way even before this hiatus, I decided this evening to do a single-post mass review of the movies I have been watching.

So, this post will include my reviews of the following movies:

Another Gay Movie
Click
The Devil Wears Prada
End of the Spear
Firewall
Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
Little Miss Sunshine
The Pink Panther
Saw 2 (DVD)
Step Up
You, Me, and Dupree

The end of the post will include links to each of my previous reviews as well as my personal ranking of the movies I have seen this year. It has definitely been a year of unexpected pleasures, where some of my favorite movies have been ones I never thought would be so great (Little Miss Sunshine being the most recent of those).

Hotter than a night with Ebert...

Note: Click on the large movie posters or the movie name to see the trailer for that movie.

Another Gay Movie

Take every gay (or lesbian) sterotype, mix in every sexual innuendo you can imagine, and determine to have a good time never taking yourself seriously, and you pretty much have the recipe that was followed to create Another Gay Movie. Few movies will parallel this in flat-out raunchiness, but if you expect and accept that, the movie is a lot of fun. There is no moral to this tale, boys and girls. It's flat-out crass sex and men the whole time.

A couple highlights from the film:

The Guest Stars - From porn star Matthew Rush to gay Survivor winner Richard Hatch to comedian Ant to talk show host Graham Norton to Kids in the Hall alumnus Scott Thompson to Boy Meets Boy leading man James Getzlaff to drop-dead gorgeous Noah's Arc star Darryl Stephens, this movie is a who's who of pop gay notables. While I could have done without ever seeing Richard Hatch's uncensored penis, Graham Norton's parts were disturbingly hilarious (pun intended), and it was fascinating to hear Matthew Rush speak rather than, um, grunt.
Darryl Stephens - Did I mention him already? Well, he's worth a second mention. Two of the most memorable scenes in the movie involve him....yummy.
The 4 Friends - Actors Jonah Blechman, Michael Carbonaro, Jonathan Chase, and Mitch Morris all do a superb job as the four main characters, gay friends who pledge to "do the big A" by the end of the summer. I was not familiar with any of them before watching the movie, but Carbonaro (the best-looking of the bunch) is a wonderful comedian and is entertaining throughout (and is a perfectly-fitting member of one of the aforementioned "memorable" scenes). Also, Blechman (who plays over-the-top-flaming-queen Nico) and Morris (who plays total geek Griff) are surprisingly quite attractive when not in costume (click to see non-costumed pics of Blechman and Morris).

Here are some shots from the movie:

One trivia note that will interest about 2 of you...Mitch Morris appeared as a guest star in the episode "As You Were" in the sixth season of the TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the final episode featuring ultra-beautiful Marc Blucas as Buffy's sometimes-beau Riley Finn.

Oh, and if you want to know my favorite part of Another Gay Movie (besides any scene involving Darryl Stephens), it's the part that made the hopeless romantic in me smile (you will know when you see it).

Click

With Adam Sandler, I tend to either love or hate his movies, with little in-between. Loved 50 First Dates and Mr. Deeds, hated The Waterboy and The Wedding Singer. This movie would be an exception to that. I certainly didn't hate the movie, but neither was I rolling in the aisles in laughter. It was good for a chuckle or two and not particularly repulsive, but the most memorable thing about the movie was the moving dramatic moment at the end, where I actually cried. Not that my getting emotional during a movie is a rare thing, but it wasn't expected in an Adam Sandler movie. So, overall a decent show, but just save it as a backup in your future Adam Sandler movie marathons.

On another note, I thought their ad campaign was clever (click to enlarge):

The Devil Wears Prada

I love Meryl Streep, and I have often enjoyed Anne Hathaway's movies, so I figured this would be a pretty decent movie. And it was just that... pretty decent. As expected, Streep was brilliant and Hathaway good, but ultimately the movie was fairly forgettable. I did like Emily Blunt's character, though, and I liked the ending, where they avoided the cliched "change of heart" that just would not have worked with Streep's character.

End of the Spear

The based-on-a-true-story of Christian missionaries who were killed in Ecuador by Auca Indians, this movie is most notable for the controversey surrounding gay actor Chad Allen's playing the main character missionary Nate Saint. The movie itself was interesting for me, having grown up in a very conservative Christian home and hearing this story my whole life (even having developed a good friendship with an elderly gentleman who was close friends with some of the men in this story during college). But, as is the case with so many things when religion and gays mix, I was saddened by the less-than-loving barbs that were thrown from both sides over Allen's involvement. In general, though, this movie will be of interest primarily to those who have an appreciation for the religious mission of the people in the story.

Firewall

Seldom can you go wrong with a Harrison Ford movie, and I have been a fan of Paul Bettany since I first saw his brilliant performance in A Knight's Tale. This is a very straightforward action/suspense movie, nothing groundbreaking but well-done and thoroughly enjoyable.

Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

If you cut out everything in this movie except for Scrat the Squirrel, it would still be worth watching. While some of the chemistry of the 3 main characters was lacking in this sequel to the hilarious first Ice Age movie (due to the fact that they are all friends now and don't have the tension of the first movie that lent to some great interactions), the story makes up for it with a string of funny moments, notably the part where Sid finds the tribe that he mistakenly thinks is flattering and harmless. But, as with the first movie, Scrat simply steals the show. After viewing his scenes, as Sid might say, "I just did something involuntary... and messy."

Little Miss Sunshine

Very few times in my life have I gone to see a movie knowing absolutely nothing about it. But such was the case with my unexpected viewing of Little Miss Sunshine. My friend and I drove to the theater intending to watch a different movie, but when we arrived, we saw that there had been a small fire in part of the theater. It was nothing serious, but the fire department still had not given the all-clear yet. So, we decided to go get dinner and then come back. When we returned, the theater was once again open, but the movie we intended to see was not starting another screening for a couple hours. So, on a whim, we decided to watch this movie instead.

We could not have chosen better had we tried. Although it seems to have been given very little publicity, this movie is classic from start to finish. What struck me most is how completely and utterly different each of the six main characters are, and yet how believable they are as a family (albeit an extremely dysfunctional one). Also, the characters are each unique, unlike most any other movie characters I can think of. There are so many things I liked about the movie that I am having difficulty deciding what to mention, so I will just say, make sure you see this movie. And, the talent competition scene is one of the funniest things I have seen in recent memory.

The posters for this movie are great as well, though they will only be appreciated by those who have seen the movie:

The Pink Panther

While I love Steve Martin, this movie might as well not exist except for his performance. His acting was funny and dead-on as always, but very little else of the movie was memorable. In fact, writing this several months later, I'm having trouble remembering much else of the movie besides some of his funny gags (one of which was classic...the "camoflauge" he and his partner wore). Steve Martin fans, watch it; otherwise, there's plenty of better movies to see this year.

Saw 2 (DVD)

I'm mentioning this movie just because I watched it a week ago on DVD (over the course of several days in 5-minute increments). I am NOT a scary movie fan. I can count on one hand the number of horror films I have seen in the past 10 years. But, when the first Saw movie came out, I gave in to the incessant pressure of a friend who insisted that I needed to see it. And, although I hated the suspense of it, I had to admit the first movie was amazing. Probably the highest compliment I can give the first Saw movie is that, without anyone's prompting, I rented the sequel.

Now, I have two friends who often share with me their movie recommendations. One of them loved the movie, the other hated it. I fall somewhere in between.

Negatives - The "puzzles" that Jigsaw gives the people are not nearly as tightly-woven to the plot as with the first movie. The whole concept of the main storyline of the first movie is so brilliant that I guess it would be difficult to match. Still, I was hoping they would do better. Another negative is that the "big surprise" at the end was given away with very obvious and unnecessary hints throughout the movie. Instead of downplaying what would be revealed (which would have helped with the shock value at the end), they inexplicably dropped very obvious hints that anyone paying attention would at least suspect what happened at the end to be a possiblity. Also, the behavior of some of the characters is not very believable.

Positives - I liked the father/son aspect of the storyline and how it played throughout. Also, in spite of the less-than-surprising ending, I liked the concept of it pretty much. And, some of the traps that Jigsaw creates (particularly the opening scene and the demise of Emmanuelle Vaugier's character) are disturbingly fascinating.

Step Up

I just saw this movie tonight, and I give it mixed reviews. Really I have two main complaints, and beyond that I really enjoyed it. First complaint, the story drags a bit, particularly near the beginning, taking too long to really get going. Second complaint, the "best friend" of the main character is poorly written, with his motivations and reactions very contrived and unrealistic. He gets angry with little reason then forgives with little explanation and then suddenly become philosophical with little provocation.

On the good side, I liked Channing Tatum a lot. I knew very little about him, so I was quite impressed to see him do all the dancing himself. Quite impressive. The movie is essentially your typical "opposite worlds collide" movie, where rough-and-tumble Tatum (from the wrong side of tracks) meets and falls for refined and sophisticated Jenna Dewan (from the upper crust). What I loved about this movie is that one element is not overtaken by the other. My favorite way this is seen is in the music of the movie. I loved the way they fused classical music with the beats from the street. Neither is sacrificed, and the result is a lot of fun.

If you like music and dancing, you'll enjoy this show for those elements at least, if not for the story itself (which is pretty cookie-cutter average but not obnoxious).

A side note, throughout the whole movie, I kept thinking that Tatum was the guy who starred in the television show Prison Break. Something in the back of my mind questioned that, though, so I looked it up online tonight, and I see that the Prison Break star is actually Wentworth Miller. But take a look at these pictures and tell me if they don't look like they were twins separated at birth:

You, Me, and Dupree

Owen Wilson is one of my favorite comedians, and Michael Douglas can be unexpectedly funny. But I'm not a huge fan of Kate Hudson nor Matt Dillon. And ultimately, this movie is forgettable apart from Wilson's performance. And even Wilson has had better days. Still, he's one of those actors who is funny without really even trying that hard, so you'll find yourself smiling on occasion during this show, as long as you don't doze off.

Previous Reviews:

Here is my ranking of the movies I have seen in the theater this year, from favorite to least:

Little Miss Sunshine
Lucky Number Slevin
United 93
Inside Man
Kinky Boots
Thank You For Smoking
Superman Returns
Cars
Another Gay Movie
Step Up
Over the Hedge
X-Men 3
Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
The Devil Wears Prada
Firewall
Mission: Impossible 3
The DaVinci Code
Stick It
Click
You, Me, and Dupree
The Pink Panther
End of the Spear

Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk

2006-08-14T23:22:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in May that I was going to do, I participated on Saturday and Sunday in the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk here in Chicago. This is a 20-mile walk intended to raise support for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, as well as to increase awareness of the problem of suicide and to decrease the stigma about discussing suicide in society today. My motivation for participating in this walk was that I lost my boyfriend Alfred to suicide ten months ago, on October 13, 2005.

The Out of the Darkness walks were held in San Francisco and Chicago, with over 2,200 walkers raising about $3.5 million for research in suicide prevention and support for survivors of suicide (a term referring to those family and friends who have lost a loved one to suicide). Each participant raises a minimum of $1,000 in order to participate, but some raise much higher amounts. The top fundraiser in Chicago raised $25,000.

The walk began on Saturday evening at Soldier Field, a place where I had never been before this summer (in spite of having lived in the Chicago area off and on for about 8 years of my life) but where now I have been twice in a month. It would be difficult for me to describe the overwhelming feeling of seeing the 1,200-plus people who were gathering on the lawn, each of whom had been personally touched by suicide.

The participants each wore colored beads, signifying their relation to the person who completed suicide (red for a spouse or partner, white for a son or daughter, orange for siblings, gold for parents, purple for other relatives, etc.). It was moving to see some people who wore two or three necklaces of different colors. The mood was unlike anything I have experienced before, with a soberness and reflectiveness, perhaps even melancholy with a few tears, but suffused with a hope and optimism and a determination to rise above the pain and make a difference that goes far beyond symbolism.

Click below to continue reading about the Overnight Walk...

Here I am before the walk begins

I joined Alfred's sister and a group of her friends, each of whom had lost a sibling to suicide. Just as the sky began to become dark, there was a brief opening ceremony, during which several people spoke of their personal experiences and motivation for participating. The executive director of the AFSP spoke and thanked everyone for participating, and then he sent us off.

Again, in a night charged with emotion, it was a powerful thing to look back as we walked from Soldier Field and to see all the walkers snaking their way along the walkway.

Now, on a side note, I have never walked along the lake here in Chicago for any distance late at night before, and I continued to grow in my love for this city. Our path took us from Soldier Field heading north through the museum campus past the Field Museum and Shedd Aquarium, then cut over to Columbus Drive and through Grant Park. Then, we cut back over to the lake and walked past Navy Pier and along the beaches.

At North Avenue Beach, we crossed under Lake Shore Drive and walked up through Lincoln Park, and the route continued all the way north to Foster Avenue Beach. That was the halfway point, and after a midnight meal, the walkers reversed course and returned to Soldier Field.

I have mentioned to many people that I hope and pray that nobody I know will ever again have to go through the pain of losing someone to suicide. So, I am grateful for the things I have learned about this problem, and I am so thankful for the chance to be a small part of the efforts to help others struggling with depression so that they and their families can be spared from such horrible tragedy.

My sincerest thanks and gratitude to each person who contributed to this effort. If you would still like to contribute to this very worthy cause, you can (at least for now) still give a donation on my Overnight Walk fundraising page, or you can give a donation directly on the AFSP website.

Filler

2006-08-12T01:02:00.000-05:00

I've been way too busy this week, so this post exists for no other reason than to force myself to do a post, to entertain you with this bizarre little picture and a couple funnies, and to put some photos of hotties after the jump.

With all the conflict around the world today, I thought this campaign was particularly meaningful (click picture for larger version). I have already committed to do my part, and I hope you will, too....

*SPOILER ALERT* The shock surprise twist in the final Harry Potter book....

Very possibly the most disturbing picture ever....

Always wash your hands after jerking off....

Gaydar....

And for some pictures sure to get a rise out of you...

If Darth Vader Had a Sense of Humor

2006-08-09T23:00:00.000-05:00

Just for laughs. Less than a minute long, but good for a chuckle.

Hopeless Romantic, Part 3

2006-08-07T14:00:00.000-05:00

Previously (and somewhat recently), I have posted the first two installations of my thoughts on being a hopeless romantic. It is easy for us to look at a couple and recognize instantly the presence of romance. But what is it specifically that causes our hearts to flutter and smiles to reach our faces even if only watching from a distance? I have observed 12 key indicators that, in various combinations, are nearly always present when a romantic couple interacts with one another.

In the first post I discussed the initial four indicators: (1) The Romantic Setting, (2) The Romantic Kiss, (3) The Way Their Faces Brighten Around Each Other, and (4) Playful Intimacy and Flirting.

In the second post I presented the next four: (5) Obvious Comfort with Each Other, (6) The Extra Touch - Hair, (7) The Extra Touch - Hand, and (8) The Way One Guy Looks at the Other.

Today I conclude this excursion into sentimentality with the final four indicators of romance.

(9) The Tenderness of Their Touch

Have you ever shared a moment with the guy you love, where you just stopped and gently ran your fingers along the profile of his face, realizing how lucky you were to have this guy next to you?

When romance is in bloom in a relationship, there is a tenderness that infuses itself into the actions and words of the couple, as if they have discovered the most beautiful flower, and they are afraid to damage it through any sort of rough handling.

This tenderness can be seen in that light peck on the cheek....

Or it can be expressed in that brief, meaningful pause when your lips are so close but not yet touching...

It is the way a guy will hold his man close and lovingly kiss his neck....

Or the reassuring intimacy of that tender touch while you sleep...

These are things that cause the romance to bloom ever brighter.

(10) Sweet Actions

In romance, it's not really the big things that keep the "spark" alive (grand, candlelight dinners and the like), though they can certainly help. But it's really the little, sweet, thoughtful things that bring two people closer each day. It's that moment when you spontaneously show affection to your boyfriend in public, knowing he will act embarrassed but inside will love it...

Or it's the little nibble on his ear, perhaps not really paying attention to what he is trying to show you but letting him know he is irresistible to you....

It can be when you shower together as you run your hand along his body.....

Or the playful and seductive wandering of your hand here...

or here...

(11) Protectiveness

As the romantic couple grows in their understanding and appreciation of the value of what they have together, they work to protect that relationship. In a relationship where trust and honesty are not what they should be, this can express itself in a jealous possessiveness. But in a healthy relationship, a romantic protectiveness can communicate volumes to one another.

Physically, this protectiveness is seen in hugs probably more than anywhere else. In a more casual or random sexual encounter, you might hug the person you are with, but when it is someone for whom you feel that deep passion and intense excitement, you find yourself wanting to elongate your arms so they can wrap further around him, as if you would envelope him completely and never let go.

It can be expressed subtly, wrapping your leg around his....

And it can express without words your support of him, that he can fall and know you will be there to hold him up....

(12) Lost in Each Other

To round out this list of romantic indicators, I mention one that seems to be the zenith of romance. It is those moments when you are so overcome with your love and passion for that one person in your life who surpasses all others, that you completely lose yourself in him. The rest of the world may fall apart and you won't notice, because you and he are so intimately and intensely connected.

Obviously, these particularly special moments often occur during sex, when the emotional connection is paired up with the most intimate physical connection...

But, however it is expressed, it is wonderful to experience, and it is one of the reasons I will always be a hopeless romantic.

Slick

2006-08-05T00:07:00.000-05:00

When I saw this video today, I thought it was very cool and was about ready to share it with all my friends, but then I investigated a bit and found out that it has apparently been around since at least 2003. So I guess I'm a bit late to the party. Still, since I had never seen it before, I figured maybe there are others who have not either, so here it is for your amusement (click on any of the pictures to open the video page).

According to the site, this video, shot as a commercial for Honda Accord, took 606 takes, cost $6 million, and took 3 months to complete. It was shot in real time with no CGI involved. Very cool.

No doubt some of the crew members of the commercial are now strapped down in padded cells.

So, after a long, hard day at work, all you want to do is crash in bed...

Wouldn't you like to find this waiting for you when you got home?

Wild

2006-08-04T18:41:00.000-05:00

Try to read this, you'll be amazed.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg THE PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

Hot Joker

2006-08-03T22:59:00.000-05:00

I have had a very busy week, so I have not been able to do much posting, but when there is something to say about Heath Ledger, my world stops. My ex and I had an agreement that we were each allowed one person with whom we could cheat on each other. His choice was Brad Pitt; mine, Heath Ledger. He was one of my first crushes, and I still think he is one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen.

So, when I heard today that Heath is going to play the Joker in the upcoming sequel to last summer's Batman Begins, I was as excited as I was surprised. For Heath is definitely quite a change from Cesar Romero's 1960's Joker or Jack Nicholson's 1989 Joker (vs. Michael Keaton's Batman). But, director Christopher Nolan, along with new Batman Christian Bale, did such an amazing job with Batman Begins that I have high hopes that he has great plans for Heath's Joker. Definitely a movie I will be eagerly anticipating!

I'm not joking! I love your smile!....

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Inspirational

2006-07-31T00:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, so the guy in this video goes out of his way to say that he is straight, but I can still dream, right? Well, straight or not, he's hot (and he totally looks like he's visualizing topping someone at the phrase "so in love when we're together" at 1:45 into the song).

Click below to see more, er, "inspiration"....

No More Shirtless British Guys?

2006-07-28T11:15:00.000-05:00

Britain's Daily Mail reports that authorities around England are considering laws that would ban men from removing their shirts in certain public places. Calling the behavior "anti-social," the police are hoping to use the new authority these laws would provide to force men such as these....

....to go back inside and spare the public from involuntary regurgitation. Nicholas Bennett, the former government minister who is leading the charge to enact these laws, says that such displays of flabbiness hurt businesses and sometimes result in aggressive behavior. Said Bennett: "It is an unfortunate thing, but those men who like best to bare their stomachs are the ones who have too much stomach." Read the full article here.

At press time of this blog post, rumors were circulating that an alternate law was being considered that would give discretionary authority to the gay population rather than police as to whether or not a man could remove his shirt. If approved, this measure would allow licensed gay men to require a man to put his shirt back on (or in serious cases, just to go home). But it would also allow the "torso inspector" to perform random, unannounced inspections of men on the street and have them remove their shirts when appropriate as part of citywide "beautification projects."

Click below to see examples of some of the promotional literature that argues for the merits of allowing (or even encouraging) certain acts of shirtlessness, so long as it is overseen by qualified licensed professionals...

31 Things About Me

2006-07-27T06:07:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday. My life has been an amazing adventure so far, and I enter this next year of my life with a greater awareness of how blessed I am than ever before. This past year was, without a doubt, the most difficult year of my life. From intense personal loss that resulted in pain beyond anything I had imagined and upheaval in every area of my life, to major financial straits for my employer that has increased the stress and decreased the enjoyment of my job, to watching some of the dearest people in my life deal with startling and devastating news, the past year is one to which I am glad to say goodbye.

But, having spent so much of the past year down in the valley rather than up on the mountain, I have been able to view my life from a perspective I had not given much consideration before. And it is here in the valley that I have realized that my life is filled and overflowing with friends and family who love me!

Perhaps this is such a simple concept that I ought to have learned it many years ago, but it was not until this year that it began to sink in that there are people who, when they think about me, that emotion of love wells up within them and stirs them to act in good ways towards me. It seems perfectly natural to act in unselfish and self-sacrificing ways towards those who I love: my parents, my brother, my grandmother, numerous dear friends in Chicago and elsewhere. But to actually think and ponder on the fact that many of those people, when they think about me(!), something moves them from a place deep inside, and they give to my life without thought of getting anything in return. What did I do to deserve even one of these people in my life, and yet I have not one, but many, who act toward me with this type of love.

So, to those of you reading this who are dear to me (and I hope I have lived in such a way that you already know who you are), thank you for helping me through this past year. I hope that, as I find myself daily gaining ground and ascending out of the deep valley, I will have opportunities in the coming year to show the same love to you that you have shown to me. It is my hope and prayer that we will share that love in circumstances where both are experiencing celebration and comfort. But, should you find yourself down in that valley, here's someone who has spent a lot of time there recently, and I am glad to go back with you and come alongside and show you the way back out again.

Recently I shared this video of Savage Garden's song "Crash and Burn" with a friend going through difficult circumstances. It has been one of the most significant songs in my life, and, on today my birthday, I post it here as a promise to my loved ones in the year to come (note especially the various quotes on the screen throughout the video and the beautiful, heart-moving sign language at the end).

And finally, here is my 31st birthday "31 Things About Me" list (done in the style of the popular '50 Things About Me' lists). Prepare to be fascinated.

I was 13 years old before I saw snow fall from the sky.
This month (July 2006) begins my 25th year of playing the piano.
If I had been a girl, my name would be "Amelia Elizabeth" (its meaning is almost the same as my given male name).
Every male in my generation on my dad's side of the family is gay.
One month to the day before my 28th birthday, I did several things for the first time....I went to a bar for the first time (Spin was the first...gay or straight), I drank alcohol for the first time, and I danced for the first time (yes, I had a sheltered life to that point).
I have lost 50 pounds since January 2005 (from 215 to 165).
On my 21st birthday, I flew to Africa for the first time.
While living in Africa, I have eaten numerous unusual delicacies, including monkey, termites, and dog.
I am an ordained (though not currently practicing) minister.
I have visited and photographed the gravesites of over 1,000 notable historic figures.
I have never had sex with a woman (haven't even gone so far as to kiss a woman sexually, for that matter).
As that likely indicates, I am undoubtedly a Kinsey 6.
I was salutatorian of my high school graduating class. Of course we only had 25 students, so it's not as impressive as it may sound.
I have never had a broken bone nor sprained anything in my life; however, I have had several significant head injuries (yes, that does explain a lot, I know).
One of my head injuries left me with partial hearing loss in my left ear. But I'm too stubborn to wear a hearing aid.
I love reading, and I am always in the middle of 5 or 6 books at a time.
In the realm of fiction, I love classic literature, and my favorite authors are William Shakespeare and Charles Dickens.
In the realm of non-fiction, I love reading about US presidential history (have a large bookcase filled with presidential books).
My interest in presidential history extends to my travels: I have visited the gravesite of every deceased US president and all but 3 of the deceased vice-presidents. I have also visited over 130 homes that presidents lived in and all of the presidential libraries save one.
When I began my freshman year of college, I was one of only three students in the entire men's dormitory to have a personal computer at school (it was a top-of-the-line 386 computer....so impressive...lol).
I am a hopeless romantic.
During my seventh grade year of school, I played safety on my junior high school's football team. That was the last time I played on an organized athletic team (though I was statistician for both my high school and college soccer teams).
O17
I am the only member of my immediate family who has traveled outside of the United States (with the exceptions of visits to Niagara Falls, Canada, and Tijuana, Mexico).
I used to be obssessed with Garfield when I was in high school. Seriously, my entire bedroom (walls and ceiling) was covered with Garfield posters. But then I discovered porn.
I like porn. It keeps me out of trouble.
If I could choose any occupation in the world, I would be a US Senator.
I have physically hit another person only one time in my life (when someone my age and twice the size of my brother was beating up my brother).
People often describe me as even-tempered or laid back.
This post is taking a whole lot longer than I expected.
My motivation for starting and maintaining this blog is that one of my life goals is to write a book and have it published by a major publishing company. So I thought that, since my current job does not include much writing, this blog can be a good way to force me to write consistently and to be creative on a daily basis.

Homophobic Chicago Radio V103 Muzzles Jody Watley

2006-07-26T23:10:00.000-05:00

Palochi reports that R&B artist and Chicago native Jody Watley, who sang "It All Begins With You" at the opening ceremony of Gay Games VII at Soldier Field in Chicago last week, was forbidden to speak of her upcoming Gay Games appearance by Chicago's V103 radio station ("Today's R&B and Old School") during an interview she graciously consented to give them. Apparently, the radio's DJ, who is a friend of Watley's family, told her before the interview that the station manager had demanded that he instruct her not to mention the Gay Games but rather only speak of her (much less significant) appearance at the Virgin Records store. Watley complied with the injunction but later spoke of her disappointment to a reporter at Soldier Field: "It just sort of reaffirms a narrow mindedness and a close mindedness that I think is very unfortunate."

I will readily admit that I was unfamiliar with Jody Watley before hearing her sing at Soldier Field, since I am not very knowledgeable about R&B music. However, after reading about her here, I must say I am very impressed with her. She seems to be a very compassionate and principled lady who has taken risks in her career to speak out for equality both in her life and her lyrics, long before it was as accepted as it is today. She has been heavily involved in fundraising for AIDS research and relief in Africa, and from what I saw on the video clip that I will include later in this post, she seems to be a very sincere and thoughtful person.

I can't improve on what Palochi wrote in his post, so I reproduce the last part here:

If you’re a listener of V-103, feel free to let them know what you think of their tactics.

Please be aware that parent company Clear Channel’s WKSC (KISS-FM) in Chicago is the home for “Pride Radio.”

As usual, they want our advertising and marketing revenues. But when it comes to community…

And thank you, Ms. Watley, for being such a phenomenal artist and for all you’ve done over the years to show your support for my community. You’re a class act.

Click below to see "behind the scenes" of Jody Watley at Soldier Field...

And, for further reading check out this article on Keithboykin.com.

Blog Stroking: Naked Came I

2006-07-25T02:09:00.000-05:00

I have been meaning for a while now to start a new feature on my blog called "Blog Stroking," in which I will occasionally praise others' blogs that I have found enjoyable and hopefully show my appreciation by sending a couple readers their way.

When I saw this post titled "Racism is Ugly," I thought this would be a great time to mention Naked Came I, a blog run by a guy named Tim in Washington, D.C. As he describes it, his blog is about "Gay porn, gay male nude photography, movies, politics, the labor movement and Washington, D.C." I enjoy it because it is random, going from relaxingly-shallow to profound and insightful (sometimes within the same post). I appreciated the boldness of the aforementioned post, in which he speaks of the stereotyping of Asian men in the US that so often crosses the line into the realm of racism. And simultaneously, I appreciated the pictures he included to bolster his argument.

And, he is a Battlestar Galactica fan, so bonus points for that as well! So, check out Naked Came I. I think you will like it!

Gay Games Closing Ceremony

2006-07-24T07:37:00.000-05:00

Saturday afternoon concluded a great week in Chicago, as we were privileged to be the host city of the Gay Games VII. At 3 pm, I joined my brother and my visiting friend Melo (pictured above) for the closing ceremonies of the Games at Wrigley Field.

Now, after the problems of the opening ceremony, in which the program started out great but quickly lost steam and became quite boring for far too long, I was a bit concerned about whether or not they would learn their lesson and make the closing ceremony any better.

And, I will gladly say that they did a much better job in most respects. Personally, I would have been happy for the program to be entirely entertaining without any of the "political rally" stuff, but I understand and appreciate that there were likely many there who felt that to be very important, and I think they did a good job of keeping it in balance and not letting it go on and on and on and on like in the opening ceremony. In particular, the speech by Leigh-Ann Naidoo I thought was captivating and powerfully-delivered.

But, I am getting ahead of myself. The ceremony began with the entrance of all the competitors from the games. Unlike the opening, where each country or US state was introduced individually (which took a long time but had a wonderfully-satisfying conclusion with the pride flag of lights that they created), this time they just all came out in a huge stream from two entrances in the outfield.

And, the procession was the very first thing while spectators were still coming in and getting settled, done while the Gay Games VII Mixed Chorus sang several very nice and fun songs (though when they sang 'Seasons of Love' from Rent, that got a little bit too gay for my taste...just kidding, of course).

Following the processional, BETTY performed a unique and very cool version of the US National Anthem, certainly not your typical performance of the tune, but far more entertaining than most.

Next, Dylan Rice and Chuck Panozzo performed a song called "The Faces of Victory" that was written for this ceremony. It had a nice tune, but they were apparently having problems with the sound set-up, because most of the words were kinda muffled. After the song came one of those moments when you have no doubt this is a gay event, the performance by the various cheerleading teams that had come in for the Games, presented ever-so-stereotypically to the song "Dancing Queen." Actually, although the cheerleaders get their fair share of ribbing (humorously, even from us gays), the performance was well done and quite impressive.

*Note - The video clips in this post were not filmed by me, but all the photographs were taken by me.

Then, just as the ceremony was hitting full stride, they brought out the two directors of the Federation of Gay Games who gave their obligatory welcoming speeches (i.e. - 'pat ourselves on the back' speeches). They spared us from the tediousness of the opening ceremonies, but they still had nearly killed the momentum of the program when Poppy Champlin came out with a great comedy routine (the second-best of the night).

We breathed a sigh of relief as Poppy kindly got us back into the spirit of fun in which we came to the ceremony. But then, they brought out the cast members of The L Word (Pam Grier, Marlee Matlin, Daniela Sea), and they were awful. For people who supposedly are so talented and are in the business of entertainment, they were one of the most boring and unprepared parts of the entire show. It seemed as if the only reason they were out there was because they were famous, so write-ups about the event would mention they were there.

As we were about to doze off, they introduced a group of belly dancers, who might as well have been a Cubs game for all the interest it generated from the crowd. By this time, I was about to have flashbacks to the interminableness of the opening ceremonies, especially when I saw the next program item was greetings from about 10 politicians. Mercifully, only one spoke, and her job was simply to introduce each of the others for applause, after which they left.

Desperate for something to salvage the show before it became as uninteresting as stories of Rosie O'Donnell's love life, we found ourselves looking to a very unlikely hero, Chicago's very-own and oft-mocked ROTC (Righteously Outrageous Twirling Cops), who performed a routine to "Don't Leave Me This Way." All I can say is, I offer public apology for any disparaging comments I made about the ROTC in the past. They were thoroughly entertaining.

Next came a short speech by Billy Bean and his introduction of South African Olympic volleyball player Leigh-Ann Naidoo, who gave a powerful and moving speech about the need to continue working for equality around the world. It accomplished in five or six minutes more than about two hours' worth of the opening ceremony that was dedicated to the same topic.

Her speech was followed by the ceremonial ignition of the flame (I'm not even going to joke about that, way too easy). This may very well have been the low point of the ceremony, as some group banging drums (I think they were at least; we could vaguely hear something coming from the field) stood out there and pounded away with no audio support from a single microphone. The sound was almost completely lost and certainly had no impact when, in their dramatic conclusion, they all lifted their hands simultaneously and the little flame popped out of the torch. Instead of being dramatic, it was almost comical.

Fortunately, during these intermittent dull moments, we were entertained by a couple drunk guys who seemed to be enjoying every moment of the show, so it was bearable.

Finally, we got to the stuff that can make any gay event successful: divas, dance music, showtunes, sexual humor, hot gay cowboys, and Cyndi Lauper. The run began with performances by Ari Gold and Kristine W (I hate to suggest she was overdressed for the occasion, but I'm sure she wanted to look fabulous).

Sharon McNight performed "Impossible Dream" (beautiful) and "Stand By Your Man" (fun, especially watching the guy in the row ahead of us trying to sing along when he knew only about half the lyrics). This led in to one of my favorite moments of the ceremony, the DC Cowboys. As Sharon McNight left the stage, the theme from Brokeback Mountain came over the speakers, and two cowboys came from opposite sides of the field, met, and made out passionately, to the cheers of all of us who still fantasize that someday, somehow, our Heath Ledger will come. They were joined by the rest of the DC Cowboys who did some totally fun dances, including one to (of course) "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy."

They were followed by the comedy of Ant, who was very funny. I loved his arguments that gay people, rather than being inept at sports, very likely were the originators of many of the sports (such as boxing... "two topless guys, in silk shorts, fighting over a belt and a purse" or baseball..."nine men running around diamonds, trying to get into a batter's box").

Next were two guys that I have never heard of before, Eric Himan and Levi Kries. Perhaps I am just ignorant about them, but neither of the two who were with me knew who they were either.

The songs were fine, though it would have sucked to be them, since everyone in the place knew what was coming next...

Yes, Cyndi Lauper, the headliner of the show, came out in a dress that the Statue of Liberty would wear if she was a lesbian, performing "True Colors" and "Shine." Interestingly, she was the only part of the ceremony that was not announced by the PA speaker. I thought that was a pretty cool compliment, as if to say, here is someone who needs no introduction. The crowd loved her, of course, and she was a great way to close out the entertainment of the show.

The remainder of the ceremony was the routine that closes out events of this type. The Federation of Gay Games flag was brought out onto the field by representatives of Chicago, led by Mayor Daley, and it was passed to representatives of the city of Cologne, Germany, where the 2010 Gay Games will be held.

Mayor Daley said more well-prepared and thoughtful remarks, receiving the warmest ovation he has received recently, I am sure. He then declared Gay Games VII to be over, at which time the unremarkable flame unremarkably went out. He then passed off to Elfi Scho-Antwerpes, the Deputy Mayor of Cologne, who gave a speech that went a bit too long. However, I had to admire the courage of someone who would stand up in front of such a large crowd to give a speech in a language that was obviously not her first.

As the flag and representatives left the field, the chorus sang "Take the Flame", the official anthem of the Gay Games. Then, in what may very well be the most anti-climactic (and, frankly, odd) conclusion ever, interpretive dancers performed some sort of dance, after which they grabbed armfuls of little pom-poms that were supposed to look like torches, I guess, and handed them to people in the first rows of the stadium seats, as "Amazing Grace" was sung. The pom-poms were, of course, immediately swallowed by the size of the crowd, and then it was over. No big impressive finale, just the PA guy thanking us for coming.=

All in all, though, in spite of a few hiccups, the ceremony was enjoyable, entertaining, appropriate in length (just under 3 hours), and memorable.

I left the place feeling rather melancholy, knowing that such a time I may never see again in this life, but yet I was enriched by the experience and determined to be a more involved and dedicated member of the gay community.

Just kidding.

Actually I was just dying for a drink by that point.

In conclusion, here are two final video clips. The first is a nice 8 minute montage someone put on YouTube that shows highlights from the entire ceremony. Nicely done:

And then, because you can never have too many Brokeback Mountain tie-ins, here is a clip of a male couple competing in the figure skating competition this week:

Thoughtful and Clever

2006-07-22T22:40:00.000-05:00

I am working on a couple posts concerning the Gay Games VII here in Chicago and the Closing Ceremony which was held today, and I hope to post those in the next day or two. But I just wanted to show this picture I took of a Miller Lite ad that was on one of the billboards that can be seen from the stands at Wrigley Field where the ceremony took place. Funny, clever, and pretty thoughtful for them to think ahead far enough to have prepared it just for the ceremony (I am wondering if they already had it up during the Cubs/Astros game on Thursday or not).

Hopeless Romantic, Part 2

2006-07-22T21:30:00.000-05:00

In my last post, I explained how I have been cursed with the affliction of being a hopeless romantic. I simply cannot help myself. No matter how much others may tell me I am not grounded in reality, I still long for and expect to find that special person who is going to kindle a romantic spark within me that will burn brightly for years to come.

And, I began to expound on the 12 key indicators that I have observed that are present in a relationship that is truly romantic. They are those actions, attitudes, and responses that make your heart swell in your chest more than your cock swell in your pants. They are those thing that show that, even when he pulls out, you still have him inside (there you go again, rolling your eyes at me).

I presented the first four romantic indicators in the last post. They were (1) The Romantic Setting, (2) The Romantic Kiss, (3) The Way Their Faces Brighten Around Each Other, and (4) Playful Intimacy and Flirting. Today, we will continue with the next four.

(5) Obvious Comfort With Each Other

When two guys first start dating, there is some sense of awkwardness that is inevitable. But, as romance begins to flourish, that awkwardness quickly evaporates. In its place is a growing comfort with one another, as they become more familiar with each other. And that comfort can be very romantic to see.

This comfort can be expressed in many ways. It can be as simple as leaning against your boyfriend's shoulder....

It can be seen in romantic hugs where one guy has his arm enveloping his boyfriend, as if he would be as close as a shirt against him...

Or in the casual hug, almost an afterthought, it seems so natural to hold him close...

And, of course, it can be seen in the comfort and complete lack of self-consciousness being naked together....

(6) The Extra Touch - The Hair

When two guys are in love, there are small, almost subconscious things they do that are very romantic to see. One of those is simple touch. When you are with the guy you have fallen for, you want to touch him, not only sexually, but even casually, just as a quiet reminder that you are nearby, that you are his, that you share something special that nobody else besides you two will have with each other.

As I started to think about these casual touches, I started to notice two places that romantic couples tend to touch each other (besides that place, of course). I'm talking in the realm of the G-rated here. The first of these might not be one you would immediately expect, but the more I observe, the more I believe it to be true. That is, when someone is feeling romance toward his man, he will often touch or rub or play with his boyfriend's hair.

I am not entirely certain why we feel this compulsion to do this or even why it seems so romantic, but it obviously permeates our romantic ideals, as evidence by the familiar phrase "running your fingers through his hair." There is just something about that simple touch that can communicate an intimacy that makes the romantic smile.

(7) The Extra Touch - The Hand

The other "extra" touch that is common to romantic couples is touching or holding one another's hands.

This is another one of those that makes it very obvious whether or not a porn is between boyfriends or casual sex partners. The guys who have feelings for each other will often seek out their partners' hands to touch or hold. I think there is a mental connection that we make that something that is ours we hold in our hand. It's a protective instinct that parents feel toward their children, and it is something that is drilled into us from our early years that touching someone's hand communicates to them that they are special, that you are watching out for them.

This is why I can see the biggest, hairiest leather daddies (i.e. - people I would never be attracted to sexually) walking down the street holding hands and still it brings a big smile to my face and makes that romantic inside of me feel very happy.

(8) The Way One Guy Looks at the Other

We've all seen it. It's the twinkle that a guy gets in his eyes when he stops and looks at someone he is in love with.

It's a look of happiness, satisfaction, perhaps adoration, but always romantic.

And, another time this can be very romantic is during sex. All of us who like to bottom have undoubtedly had a moment or many where we felt closer to the guy we loved when he was on top of us than nearly any other moment ever. It's that fusing of bodies that gives a physical expression to emotion in a way possibly nothing else can, and the feeling of happiness that washes over you in those moments goes beyond what you ever thought it could. How could someone who has experienced that not be romantic?

That covers the first eight of the twelve romantic indicators. If you are not feeling like doing a little something extra for that special guy in your life yet, I'm worried about you, but there's still a chance to light that spark....click here for the third and final installment of this series!

Hopeless Romantic, Part 1

2006-07-20T20:00:00.000-05:00

I have been told on numerous occasions that I am a hopeless romantic. I suspect this is pretty accurate, because in spite of plenty of life events that could easily have made me a jaded, cynical, bitter queen, I still hope and plan to fall in love and live happily ever after. When I think of the "perfect" moment of sex, it's not the rough, sweaty stuff that comes to mind but rather it's the tender moment holding the guy you're crazy about next to you and looking into his eyes as you tenderly kiss him. Sappy? Corny? Perhaps, but that's me.

I can see this tendency in the type of porn that I enjoy. So much porn is just a couple guys who want some quick cash and sex but really are not all that much into the guys they are with. But occasionally you run across a porn where the guys are so passionate and intimate that you know they must be boyfriends, for a connection is there that has to be more than just base sexual attraction. Those are the videos I enjoy watching and the pictures I like to look at.

A recent conversation with a friend of mine got me thinking about this more. My friend has very different tastes than I. He prefers glory holes, orgies, and rough military sex. I, on the other hand, honestly do not comprehend the concept of being turned on by a glory hole and cannot imagine participating in that. It seems, to me, to take something that depends upon intimacy and removing everything personal and intimate from it.

So I began to think about romance. What is it that, when I look at a picture or video, catches my eye, and I say, "That's so romantic!" (Stop rolling your eyes, I can see that!) How is it that some couples exude that romantic aura....

...while other seem to just be going through the motions?

As I pondered this, I began to observe these things with a more focused eye, and I noticed patterns in "romantic" moments between couples. I began to list these, at first mentally, then typing them into my journal. I eventually came up with a list of 12 things that are common to couples that have that romantic "spark." It is something that I look for in porn, to be sure, but something I look forward to sharing with someone if I'm lucky enough to find someone to share those moments with. So, over the next 3 posts, I will present those 12 indicators of romance.

Here are the first four....

(1) The Romantic Setting

I mention this one first, simply because it is the least "spontaneous" of the 12 indicators. It is also dependent upon the others to make it romantic. Meaning, you can have the most romantic setting in the world, but without something clicking between the couple, it will just be picturesque, not romantic.

When you think of a romantic setting, it could be something far away, like a private moment in the water on a trip to the Caribbean...

Or it could be something close by, like an evening together at home in front of a crackling fireplace....

It could be a playful time together in the bath...

Or it could be a casual time together fixing breakfast....

These settings and many others will certainly be present often in the lives of a romantic couple.

(2) The Romantic Kiss

A romantic kiss is certainly one of the key indicators of romance. This is, to me, one of the easiest ways to spot acting vs. reality in porn. If the two guys never kiss, they might as well not bother having sex. But even when they do kiss, it is very clear when the kissing is expressing romance or not.

The romantic kiss will often start with little more than brushing your lips against his.

At the beginning, little is much, as that small, tender kiss can communicate volumes about his emotion for his partner.

For the romantic kiss, the couple knows that things are going to get intense eventually, but neither of them is going anywhere after the sex is over, so there is no rush, they can take the time to enjoy each other.

As the kissing continues, it builds in its intensity, as one holds the other's head with one hand and his body close with the other....

Perhaps nothing else so clearly communicates romantic feelings as does the kiss.

(3) The Way Their Faces Brighten Around Each Other

Two guys who are truly fond of each other cannot help but show it when they see each other.

Whether others are there to see....

Or the two are sharing time alone....

Sometimes no words are necessary, the look says it all.

(4) Playful Intimacy and Flirting

Another romantic indicator is when two guys are playful and flirtatious with each other in an intimate way.

It can be anything from a shy nuzzle....

To a hearty, playful hug....

But when a couple shares that intimate connection, playfulness and flirtation can be very romantic to see.

Click here for Part 2, the next four observations of this Hopeless Romantic!